Till death do them part! Captain Jack Randall (Tobias Menzies) and Mary Hawkins (Rosie Day) got married during the Saturday, June 25, episode of Outlander, and let's just say it was the most dramatic and morbid wedding ever. Meanwhile, Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan) tried desperately to reverse the course of history, while Claire Fraser (Caitriona Balfe) helped an OG character commit suicide.
RIPs Are in Order
Pour some whiskey out for Colum Mackenzie (Gary Lewis)! Everyone's favorite grumpy clansman showed up to Inverness on a mission to end his life, and Claire helped a homie out. Since she's "apparently" totally chill with assisted suicide, Mrs. Fraser gives her frenemy a bottle of yellow jasmine, which he takes toward the episode's end. But not before dropping some major truth bombs! Not only does Colum tell Claire that her BFF Geillis Duncan (Lotte Verbeek) delivered her baby boy before being burned at the stake, he puts Jamie in charge of Clan Mackenzie instead of Dougal (Graham McTavish). Umm, what now?
This is a massively shady move considering that part of Jamie's new gig includes looking after Colum's son, Hamish, who — lest you forget — is actually Dougal's son. Obviously, poor ol' Dougal has all kinds of emo feels about this mess, but when he sits down for real talk with his brother, Colum up and dies. So, in conclusion: Dougal is basically a broken man who has nothing going for him. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Breaking News: Mary Hawkins Is Totally Pregnant
Jack Randall is in the house! Because Claire and Jamie literally can't get rid of him! The couple's sworn enemy makes an appearance in Inverness and things get real weird real fast. Basically, Claire's wandering around town trolling for herbs when she runs into Mary Hawkins — who a) grumpily tells Claire she's shacked up with a very sick Alex Randall (Laurence Dobiesz), b) calls Claire out for trying to ruin her love life, and c) is totally pregnant. Being the nice lady she is, Claire heads to Alex's sick bed to pay him a visit — and who should wander in? Jack. Surprise!
Weirdly, Jack is somewhat emotional about his brother, and tells Claire some important news (read: the British Army is planning a birthday soiree for the Duke of Cumberland 12 miles away) in exchange for her agreeing to ease Alex's suffering. So, yeah, she pretty much spends this episode shotgunning herbal remedies into Alex's mouth while Jack and Mary weep over his dying body. Good times!
Jack and Mary Tie the Knot, Jack Goes Insane in the Membrane
If you think watching Jack Randall get weepy is weird, you ain't seen nothing yet. Things get totally surreal when Alex asks his brother to marry Mary in order to guarantee her a good life. Oh, and when Jack says no, Claire tracks him down and persuades him to go through with it — even after Murtagh (Duncan Lacroix) gallantly offers his hand. But before you're like, "Wait, why does Claire want her BFF to marry a sadistic rapist?" don't forget that history has Black Jack dying in a few days. So, if he marries Mary now, she'll get his fortune. Win!
Jack agrees to marry his brother's main squeeze after having a low-key existential crisis about what a monster he is, and Claire manages to semi-persuade him not to hurt Mary due to Alex's love for her. We would be like "clap, clap, clap, way to do the right thing!" but um, wait — there's more. Once Jack and Mary exchange vows and Alex dies, Jack starts beating his dead brother's corpse. Like, as in he straight-up goes ham on a dead body. Someone find this man a therapist.
Get Ready for Culloden, Y'all
So, what's Jamie up to, other than looking hunky and brooding about #ThatHighlanderLife? The poor dude is desperate to reverse the course of history, but it's not looking good. First, he tries and fails to get Prince Charles to cancel the battle at Culloden (um, not happening). Then he manages to persuade everyone to crash Cumberland's birthday instead, and then — just when we think there's hope — Prince Charles gets lost in the woods and the entire Army has to turn around. It's like, Charles, have you never heard of a map? Get your life together.
Anyway, looks like Culloden is 100 percent happening, which means Claire is 100 percent going back to the future at the end of this season. Say it ain't so!
Tell Us: Will Claire and Jamie manage to reverse the course of history?
Outlander airs on Starz Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET.
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