‘Rob & Chyna’ Finale: Us Weekly Team Tries to Make Sense of Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna’s Drama

If you’re ever concerned that you’re the only one who has a lot of thoughts about Rob & Chyna, fear not. Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna‘s E! series aired its season finale on Sunday, October 16 —  including all of its paternity-drama glory — and some brave members of Us Weekly‘s staff watched the episode together in an effort to process all of the craziness. 

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Here are the Us team’s reactions, which were heavily edited from a lengthy online chat that included plenty of tangents. (Just so you know, a lot of choice commentary about Kevin Federline did not make the cut. No hard feelings, Kev.) And be sure to click here for our full recap of the finale!

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1. Kris, Kim and Scott encourage Rob and Chyna to talk things out after the fight.

Alissa Schulman (staff reporter): Who are Rob’s mystery friends that he goes to Vegas with when he blocks his entire family? 

Travis Cronin (senior reporter): Would Kim ever be the next Oprah? Giving advice is her favorite.

Jamie Blynn (staff editor): And Khloé can be her Gayle!

Travis: Ninety percent of Kim’s life takes place in some kind of studio.

Alissa: Chyna loves reading comments from online trolls. But, like, same.

Carly Sloane (editorial assistant): How many times is Chyna gonna say she doesn’t “have time for that”? We get it, you barely have any time.

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Nicholas Hautman (assistant staff writer): This show should have been called Rob & Chyna & Scott.

Sierra Marquina (West Coast staff editor): He’s definitely the third-most-prominent character.

Amanda Lucci (social media editor): You know things are bad when Scott Disick is giving you relationship advice.

Evan Real (staff editor): Rob is lucky his friends/family still care.

Jamie: *Still care about publicity.

Rob Kardashian Blac Chyna
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna. Tommy Garcia/E! Entertainment

2. Chyna tells her friends that she wants a paternity test, so she swipes his toothbrush.

Abby Feiner (editorial assistant): Yes, Chyna, not telling Rob and stealing his DNA seems like the way to go. 

Alissa: Finally, a Kardashian paternity test! But too bad it’s not the one we actually want to see.

Sierra: Chyna is again talking about not leaving the house and that she didn’t cheat? This entire series could have been one episode.

Evan: “I know with my vagina that this is his baby.”

Jamie: Her vagina knows it’s his!

Abby: If my baby daddy ever greets me with a “yo” and a half hug, I’m out.

Nick: I feel like Rob and Chyna have had a total of maybe 12 full conversations ever.

Cait Raft (TV recapper): Proud of you, Rob! And Scott, too!

Evan: Kim and Chyna’s mission to snatch some Rob DNA is giving me some Gone Girl vibes.

Jamie: Law & Order: Kim & Chyna Edition.

Ryan Gajewski (entertainment editor): What would Chyna’s vagina do?

Amanda: I need that on a bracelet. 

Nick: *Entire Us Weekly staff shows up to work tomorrow in WWCVD shirts.*

Abby: I’d probably let my first tattoo be about Chyna’s vagina.

Amanda: I want it on Arthur George socks.

Nick: “The Arthur George sock designer” will forever be my favorite identifier. 

Ryan: Don’t we all wish we could get knocked up by an up-and-coming sock designer.

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3. Chyna tells Rob about her paternity-test plans.

Abby: Put the bat down, Rob.

Ryan: Getting Lemonade vibes. 

Jamie: “I don’t want it to be weird, so I asked my sister-in-law to steal your DNA.”

Abby: “I’m not mad” — someone who is definitely mad.

Nick: “I’m not mad” as he swings a baseball bat near his pregnant fiancée.

Abby: “We’re doing this completely discreetly on our reality show.”

Lindsey Ellefson (TV recapper): After last week and now this, what is with these people and drawing blood over their kitchen islands?

Travis: Are the tops of those blood vials camo-print?

Abby: Do you ever stop and think, “I’ve truly watched six hours of Rob & Chyna this season”?

Nick: I think that every single episode.

4. Rob sees a therapist. 

Alissa: Does this therapist actually not know Rob and Chyna’s history? She doesn’t use the internet?

Abby: “I met a new girl,” Rob says about the woman delivering his child in four weeks.

Lindsey: “Well, that sounds like a mess” is probably the last thing you want to hear your therapist say.

Travis: I would support a Rob Kardashian rap career or duet album with Chyna.

Evan: Like “Crazy” by K-Fed featuring Britney. The only reason I bought the K-Fed album. Yes, I did.

Nick: Rob & Chyna: On the Run Tour.

Amanda: Rob & Chyna: Chaotic.

Travis: Rob gives me such K-Fed vibes.

Jamie: I get sock vibes from K-Fed too.

Abby: It’s Chyna, bitch.

Jamie: Oops, I knocked her up again.

Ryan: I still listen to “PopoZao” sometimes.

Nick: A true Grammy snub. 

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5. Rob arranges a family dinner. 

Jamie: Why does Bob get so many haircuts if he’s just going to wear a hat?

Lindsey: Wait, did they stop doing that awful cartoon effect between scenes?

Abby: I hated that cartoon thing.

Nick: It was miserable. How was it ever approved?

Travis: She just recommended semen on the face for acne — oldest trick in the book.

Abby: Sorry, guys. If Rob gives Chyna a sperm facial, I’m signing off.

Carly: Kris said Rob “resurfaced” like he’s an animal in hibernation.

Lindsey: Is Kris Jenner’s computer background Kris Jenner in lingerie?

Amanda: Kris just touches the baby bump at random times to remind herself why she’s doing this show.

Evan: North West just made this 60 minutes worth it.

Travis: North is there to remind Chyna’s unborn baby that Kris is about to be her manager.

Amanda: To make sure the unborn baby knows who’s in charge.

Travis: Kris has four gigs booked for that baby already.

Abby: Corey [Gamble] is just like, “How did I end up here?”

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6. Chyna shares the test results with Rob.

Nick: Did they send her paternity test results via Instagram DM?

Travis: Plot twist — it’s Tyga’s.

Evan: What would Kylie do?

Nick: It’s Scott’s.

Jamie: It’s French Montana’s.

Alissa: Everyone looks way too relieved to find out that Rob is the father of Chyna’s baby.

Abby: Who was the bodyguard who Kim hooked up with like seven seasons ago?

Evan: Abby, I don’t remember that, but I’d like to revisit it.

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