Tila Tequila has been given new life by the chance to give life to someone else. The former MTV star, 32—who announced earlier this month that she's pregnant and expecting her first child—is truly in awe of her little baby-to-be, she tells Us Weekly exclusively.
Tequila's rise to fame has been a rocky one, marred by the death of fiancee Casey Johnson in 2010, a trip to rehab in 2012, and periods of what she describes as "hurtful, embarrassing, and sometimes erratic" behavior. "My side of the story has never been truly told over the past five years, as I have kept so much bottled inside of me," she tells Us.
"It has been quite a painful journey for me, and I never thought I was going to make it out alive. So to be able to do a total 180 and finally be blessed with my first child gets me so emotional that I can barely even handle it," she continues. "The only difference is that now these tears I cry are of joy, and no longer of sadness."
The first-time mom-to-be adds that she feels "finally healed" after "so many traumatic years" in the spotlight. "I truly feel that my baby has saved my life, and I will do whatever it takes to give my little baby the whole entire world!" she vows. "I know I'm going to cry so much when the baby is finally born later this year."
Best known for appearing in the 2007 reality show A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, the star revealed her pregnancy via Facebook on April 18, with a photo of her tiny baby bump. "Surprise!! I'm 10 weeks pregnant!" she wrote. She has not yet shared the identity of the father.
"I never knew such a love like this could exist, but I guess motherhood can truly change some people," she tells Us of her future son or daughter. "I know it has definitely changed me, and I'm already thinking about having more. I just want my baby to be proud of me and to know how much I love him or her. To love someone else unconditionally is one of the best feelings in the entire world, and I hope I will have plenty more pregnancies to come."