Charlie Sheen says he's all better...for now.
A week and a half after his 36-hour bender -- reportedly featuring cocaine and porn stars -- landed him in the hospital, the actor wants to get back to work on Two and a Half Men.
Sheen, 45, was a surprise caller Monday morning on the Dan Patrick Show -- sounding raspy-voiced and defiant about CBS' decision to put his hit show on hiatus while he recovers via at-home rehab.
"I just figured I was supposed to go back to work because I'm ready," the actor explained. "They said, 'You get ready [and] we'll get ready.' And I got ready."
The father of five blasted the network's perceived meddling into his "personal life." (There is a morals clause in his show contract.)
"Nit pick, nit pick, but I don't think [the clause] covers, 'Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life,'" Sheen complained. "I have a contract. They said, 'Get your act together,' and I did."
To those skeptical about such a fast turnaround? "I heal really quickly, but I also unravel pretty quickly," Sheen warned. "So get me right now, guys. Get me right now!"
What drives him to drink and party? "Boredom," Sheen said. "Wanting to make things better – whether it's real or imagined."
Sheen's not a fan of 12 Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous either, he said. "I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree," he said. Calling himself "sober," Sheen explained, would be "inauthentic --it's not who I am."
These days? "I'm having a ball," Sheen said. "I am enjoying every moment."