Add in social media jeers, rumors of Bieber's flirtation with Bloom's ex-wife Miranda Kerr, and a much-circulated photo of Bloom with Bieber's ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez, and it is the perfect storm of juicy drama.
Edging on the rivalry turf once occupied by those sporting Team Jacob v. Team Edward shirts, and declaring their allegiance to Team Jennifer or Team Angelina, fans and celebrities are weighing in on the great Bieber/Bloom Feud of 2014. Unfortunately for the young Biebs, he is gaining very few supporters outside of his own Beliebers.
Former child star Drake Bell addressed the Beliebers, writing: "Can you kids start looking up to a good person?!"
Ray Donovan star Kerris Dorsey added some perspective: "Let's be honest- the real crime here is the fact that Justin Bieber has taken up wearing a fedora."
Jimmy Fallon riffed on The Tonight Show: "Orlando Bloom apparently threw a punch at Justin Bieber last night during an argument at a nightclub. Orlando's hand was pretty sore today. You know, from all the high fives he got."
Comedian Michael Ian Black added: "Pretty miserable and depressed, a little bit about Israel/Gaza but more about Bieber/Bloom."
Director Joseph Kahn tweeted: "If Orlando Bloom beats up Justin Bieber, then Orlando Bloom is The One."
The Colbert Report's Stephen Colbert joked: "Orlando Bloom was in LOTR, married Miranda Kerr AND punched Justin Bieber? By my count his monkey paw only has 2 fingers left."
Former child actress and writer Mara Wilson marveled: "Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber? My teenage crush punched this generation's teenage crush!"
Grown-up Disney performer and The Voice contestant Jordan Pruitt took a serious note, writing, "It's really sad to me that the very person Justin Bieber has become, is the exact person he said he wouldn't... Before he was famous. Smh."
Scandal star Josh Malina tweeted: "This Justin Bieber/Orlando Bloom thing is the first time I've been interested in a featherweight match."
Australian football star Hamish Hartlett chimed in: "Anyone else happy that Orlando Bloom struck Bieber today? I am."
Nikita alum Devon Sawa wrote: "'That Bieber kid tried to punch an elf and they're all watching a movie about Sharks and Tornados' -- people in other countries."
Sports Illustrated model Chrissy Teigen added: "Nothing better then a girl's dinner. Except justin bieber deleting Instagram disses that's also fantastic."
Comedian Josh Gondelman said: "Orlando Bloom threw a punch at Justin Bieber, and it's like, why does he get to live all my dreams?"