Spencer Pratt has "brainwashed" Heidi, the new issue of Us Weekly reports.
In an episode of MTV's The Hills to air Tuesday, he details his control over his wife to pal Kristin Cavallari.
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"I don't let her go on TV, no computers," says Spencer, 26. "The only thing Heidi does is read and write poetry and pray and pet puppies... She is logged out of The Matrix."
Adds Heidi, 23, who has glossed-over eyes, "And read books!"
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Heidi also explains her obsession with crystals, on which she and Spencer have spent $400,000.
"This one is for geniuses. It opens your mind to everything... and helps you to really think when you're in a war zone," she tells Cavallari. Us Weekly reports the couple have hired 4 former Marines to protect them from snipers near their Los Angeles home. (They most recently turned away Heidi’s worried mom, Darlene.)
Heidi's big sister, Holly, who got into a screaming fight with Spencer on last week's episode, also says she's ready to retaliate against her brother-in-law. "I will kick his little punk ass bitch across time," Holly, 26, says at a club.