Mum on the Run blogger Laura Mazza will happily discuss her most mortifying moments. “I pooped on the table when I was in labor,” the 31-year-old tells Us Weekly. “I felt it slowly coming down and the nurse was trying to convince me it was the baby’s head. Then my husband leaned over and said, ‘Oh . . . yep. You sure did!’ and we both went bright red.’” Then there was the time the Melbourne, Australia-based mother of two split her pants at work. “I didn’t know and was sitting on the train with a big hole to reveal my underwear with cats on it,” she tells Us. “I didn’t realize until I noticed people laughing at me.”
Now, Mazza is opening up about another cringeworthy incident that went down in yoga class. She shared the story with her more than 40,000 Facebook followers on Wednesday, July 19, and it’s racked up nearly 4,000 comments so far.
The mom of Luca, 3, and Sofia, 16 months, began her story by explaining that she has muscle separation and is trying to get in shape. “Having kids separated my abdominal wall like Moses parting the Red Sea,” she wrote. “Yeah it’s not good and my stomach kinda points out like a cone. So you know, I am trying to get fitter and fix it so was suggested by a [doctor] to try yoga.”
When Mazza arrived at the class, the studio was dark and lit with candles. “I’m thinking, holy s–t, this is real yoga, not like 5,6,7,8 and stretccchh,” she wrote. “Everyone’s taking off their socks and I’m thinking oh lord, my toes are hairy and I didn’t shave them, I only dry shaved my ankles in case my pants ride up.’”
According to Mazza’s post, the room was filled with skinny women in “night tight yoga pants” who all seemed to know each other. “We started doing these random positions, moving into the upward face dog and I feel a nice crack in my back, thinking ‘i can do this . . . I totally love yoga. I am a yoga girl!!! Look at me so fit right now,’” she added.
But then things took a bad turn: Mazza felt her stomach begin to churn. “For the past few weeks I have had IBS symptoms like something crazy,’” she shared. “My farts stink like something mixed between a rotten egg and an incineration plant. And somewhere between the dolphin position and the three legged dog two of those burning garbage eggs slip out and I fart. I farted. I farted at yoga. I’m a walking cliche. My pelvic floor has failed me.”
She continued: “We move to some position where my heads between my legs, and the smell hits me like a punch to the nose. I died inside and now I officially smell like something has also died inside.”
And then it got worse. Much worse. “We go down on this position where we stretch out but our legs are like a frog on the floor. The teacher then came around and pushed everyone down lower . . . I thought oh good, gonna get a nice crack in my back again. I hold in my butthole nice and tight to make sure no farts escape again,” Mazza wrote. “She comes over . . . pushes my back down . ..And buuuuuuuuuurrppppfffffff The loudest trumpet comes out of my ass. I froze and thought oh my god. Oh my god.”
Mazza leaped up and attempted to roll up her yoga mat “but couldn’t do it, so I just kinda chucked it to the side.” She then bolted out the door and headed to McDonald’s for an ice cream sundae. “I’m never ever ever EVER, doing yoga again,” she signed off. “F–k the muscle separation.”
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