“I want to be there for [my daughter] all the time, but that’s not possible,” the Pretty Little Liars alum, 33, admitted on a Monday, February 4, episode of Katie Lowes‘ “Katie’s Crib” podcast. “I become an empty well because I’m somebody who needs to work. I love working, I love being creative, and I want her to see that.”
She added: “I find that if I don’t fill up my creativity well, even if it’s meditation or exercise or I go get coffee with my writing partners … then I return to her, and I don’t have anything to give her. If I feel good and I’m fulfilled, I want to engage with her.”
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timeI’ve been a huge fan of my friend @ktqlowes for a long time (on and off screen, on stage and as a mom, she is a force of nature. Then I was a huge fan of her podcast @katiescrib THEN she asked me to join her for an episode so now… Check it out. We talk about Mom Brain, Millennial burn out, Meditation, Michael Pollan, Mushrooms (not while breastfeeding obviously) and my (very very new) identity as a mom! Take a listen and enjoy (I’ll link in bio) thanks for including me, Katie! #DEPLENISHED
The actress and her husband, Patrick J. Adams, tied the knot in 2016 and expanded their family two years later. Although Bellisario felt “love [and] adoration” for her daughter “overwhelmingly early on,” the Los Angeles native was nervous when she found out that they weren’t expecting a boy.
“I was worried,” she admitted. “I was thinking about my relationship with my mother, my history with an eating disorder. My imaginings of a girl are so, ‘You’re gonna hate me.’”
For now, the new mom is busy taking care of her 4-month-old, comparing herself to kids who cry because they are “just so tired.”
To combat all of the exhaustion, she has started meditating while she breast-feeds. “If I put my phone down … breast-feeding is almost a type of meditation because I don’t know when it’s going to be done,” she said. “I just have to sit there and engage with her or not and breathe until she’s done.”
The director is also focusing on just one child at a time. “I don’t feel rushed,” she said during the podcast. “I think it’s awesome when siblings are super close together, but I never had that.”
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