Billie Lourd is honoring her late mom, Carrie Fisher, seven years after the Star Wars actress’ death.
“It has been 7 years since my mom died (but who’s counting?? Me I guess?),” Lourd, 31, began in her caption via Instagram on Wednesday, December 27. “Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief. Some infuse me with rage, some make me cry all day long, some make me feel dissociated and empty, some make me feel nothing, some make me feel guilty for feeling nothing, and some make me feel all of those things all at once.”
Alongside the tribute, Lourd shared a sweet throwback snap of her playing in the sand alongside her mother. (The When Harry Met Sally actress shared daughter Billie with ex Bryan Lourd.) Billie noted that she woke up feeling “grateful or griefull, if you will.”
“Grief has infused my life with a sense of appreciation I had never had before,” she wrote. “It makes me soak up every moment of joy as if it were my last.”
Since Fisher’s death, Billie has welcomed son Kingston, 3, and daughter Jackson Joanne, 12 months, with husband Austen Rydell.
“Today I was holding my daughter while she was napping in my arms and my eyes welled up with tears of joy,” she wrote. “I laughed at myself then cried more cause I was laughing.”
Billie continued that she “felt my mombys presence like the warmth of the sun on your skin on a hot summer day,” adding that it’s the “kind of warmth where you unknowingly close your eyes and take a slow breath through your nose and grin.”
“I miss her every day but the cliche is also true — she is with me every day — she infuses my joyful moments with even more joy,” she concluded. “As I tell my son, she lives in the stars – and she damn sure makes my life sparkle. Sending my love to all my griefers out there. And hoping everyone can feel a little sparkle of griefull among all the feelings grief inevitably brings.”
Fisher died in December 2016 at the age of 60 after suffering a heart attack. One day later, her mother, Debbie Reynolds, died of a stroke.
Since her mom’s death, Billie has been candid about the grieving process. In 2021, she said that the “answer” to “what stage of grief” she’s in “is never simple.”
“I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day,” she wrote via Instagram. “My grief is a multi course meal with many complicated ingredients. An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert.”
She continued: “And that’s how grief should be – all things all at once – actually there is no ‘should’ in grief – grief just is whatever it is for you and that is how it ‘should be.’”
