Lady Gaga is hoping 2014 will be a good year. The 27-year-old singer admits in the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar that she had a tough 2013 following the mixed reviews and disappointing sales of her ARTPOP album, a public split from longtime manager, Troy Carter, and a very public backlash. “I went through a rough time last year,” she revealed. “I felt very taken advantage of by people I trusted.” Gaga — looking gorgeous and glam on the magazine’s cover taken by famed photographer Terry Richardson — said she’s in a better place now and has learned some valuable lessons.
“I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off,” Gaga explained. “I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time — to one more person who lied to me.”
Fortunately, the “Applause” singer had a wake-up call on Jan. 1, and gave herself a pep talk for the new year.
“I really felt like I was dying — my light completely out. I said to myself, ‘Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family,'” she recalled. “Depression doesn’t take away your talents — it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
The ups and downs she’s had throughout her life and career, however, have helped Gaga become a better person and artist.
“I am better with food. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore,” she shared. “I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again — that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now,” Gaga said. “I realized that it’s my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I’m not a pawn for anyone’s future business. I’m an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money.”
One thing Gaga hasn’t improved upon yet? Putting down roots. As long rumored, the Grammy winner does not currently own any homes.
“My ‘home’ is a controversial topic. I don’t exactly have one,” the “Do What U Want” singer revealed. “I live all over the world. I keep a small rental in New York, where I hang many of my hats when I come to see my parents and New York pals. It’s like a tiny jewel box, covered in rose-gold mirrors, with an oversize pink couch, an expensive vase, a white Marilyn piano, and a boudoir. I do not keep a lot of clothes here — mostly punk wear. And the three most expensive items I’ve ever purchased, including an actual house: my sable, a strand of diamonds, and my Mikimoto pearls.”
For more on Gaga’s interview, pick up the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar on newsstands Feb. 18.
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