Pretty, pretty good! All eight seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm are now available to stream on Amazon Prime. And while Larry David continues to leave us longing for more Curb — the show has neither been canceled nor completed, it simply has no set time to return for Season 9 — all 80 current episodes of the hit HBO show are up for your binging pleasure.
That means 80 chances to relive the Seinfeld co-creator’s best zingers, which he has provided the world time and time again. In the show’s honor, here are the show’s 10 best Larry David quotes, including a few tips on handling life from the notoriously crotchety character.
10. How to Order a Coffee
When you want to try something new at Starbucks but you don’t have the energy to care: “I’ll have a vanilla…one of the vanilla bulls— things. Latté, cappa thing — whatever you got!”
9. How to Handle Social Situations
Larry David will help you feel secure during uncomfortable exchanges: “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable, secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.”
8. How to Cut Out a Friend
Sometimes, cutting out a friend is as simple as saying “We don’t spend time together because I don’t want to spend time together!” You can thank Larry David the next time you unfriend someone on Facebook.
7. How to Deal With Working Retail
Retail is hell and no one knows that better than retail employees — and Larry David: “Don’t abuse your sampling privilege. And you know what else? I was looking out for the counter woman as well. She’s told the customer is always right. And, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an a–hole.”
6. How to Not Use Texting Slang in Real Life
Because no one should say LOL out loud: “You like saying that [LOL] don’t you? If you were going to laugh out loud, why aren’t you laughing out loud? Why say it, why not just laugh? You’re verbal texting!”
5. How to Pretend Like You’re Deaf
While having breakfast outside with his wife, Cheryl, Larry takes note of the beautiful music emanating from the singing birds around them. “Sometimes I like to pretend I’m deaf and try to imagine what it would be like not to be able to hear them. Not so bad.”
4. How to Avoid Human Contact
Because public displays of affection are gross: “I find human contact repulsive! I know you think I’m kidding, but I’m not.”
3. How to Not Be Friends With Someone
You don’t have to be friends with everyone. “Because we’re not friends. We’re not friends because we never spend time together. We don’t spend time together because I don’t want to spend time together. There will be no lunch, no breakfast or dinner. There won’t be a snack. There won’t be a coffee. There won’t be a drink.”
2. How to Avoid the ‘Stop and Chat’
Because everyone hates small talk: “Why didn’t you say hello to him? You know him,” says Larry’s friend after he avoids an acquaintance on the street. “He wanted to stop and chat, I didn’t want to do a stop and chat,” LD responds.
1. How to Write Your Own (Pretty Good) Wedding Vows
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In classic Curb Your Enthusiasm style, Larry David’s wedding vows to his wife, Cheryl, (played by Cheryl Hines) are, well, very Larry David. “It’s a very good relationship. Ten years! Pretty, prettttty, pretty goooood. And I am your devoted servant. Well, I don’t know about servant. I’ll certainly help you.”
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