Grey Worm isn't dead! The loyal unsullied warrior (Jacob Anderson) we saw stabbed at the end of last week's Game of Thrones has survived, but that's pretty much the only pleasant thing that happened in this week's installment. Jealousy, mind games, at least one death-by-dragon, and just a single dash of ancient greyscale plague abounded. Read on to find out exactly how badly it went for everyone.
A Good Mother is Hard to Find
In the wake of last week's attacks, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is livid! Instead of fighting back against the Sons of the Harpy in the streets of Mereen, she decides to strike at the source of her opposition. She rounds up the heads of all the old (slave-owning) families and takes them on a little field trip to see where she keeps her dragons. All the heavily robed dudes who have been so happy to oppose her across the meeting table are suddenly quaking in their sandals, and Daenerys doesn't hesitate to feed one of these poor saps to her two pets. Rhaegal and Viserion make quick work of him, but Daenerys saves the rest of the nobles for fear of "overfeeding" her "children." So health conscious!
This gives Daenerys a chance to have some sense talked into her by her translator-turned-advisor Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel). Daenerys needs a solution no one would expect, and so in a sudden jail cell visit Hizdahr (Joel Fry) is shocked to learn that he won't be fed to the dragons, and Daenerys is going to follow his wishes and re-open the fighting pits. Just when he thought it couldn't get any better, Daenerys lets him know that she's going to take him as a husband. And an audible "Wha–?!" ripples through the countryside (and the living room of every GoT viewer).
Meanwhile, Grey Worm is alive, awake, and getting what is likely his first-ever kiss from a real, live lady (nice work, Missandei). So maybe this episode isn't all bad for everyone.
Jon Snow Kills a Boy (Not Really)
Up North, Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is in a tough spot. Sure, he's been elected Lord Commander of The Night's Watch, but as Maester Aemon (Daenerys' last living family member!) reminds him, half his men still hate him. But it's time for him to kill the boy he once was (metaphorically, we hope) and become the man that the North needs. For Jon, that means going against the wishes of his men and granting freedom to the wildlings. He unshackles Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) and even pledges to ride with him to bring the wildlings out of the North and settle South of the wall. This doesn't bode well for his reputation among the Crows, as even his loyal squire Olly ends up giving him a serious case of attitude.
Meanwhile, Sam and Gilly bond over books (or at least try to…Sam's not very good at picking up on social cues). Stannis even comes down to give Sam a Knowledge-Is-Power pep talk. Good for you, Sam! But then Stannis and his army have to say their goodbyes as they ride out of Castle Black on their way to capture Winterfell.
Winterfell? More like Winter-Hell
Honestly, Stannis can't get to Winterfell soon enough, because inside those walls things are gross. Sansa (Sophie Turner) is smart, emotionally stable, and ready to take on the Boltons, but the challenges and abuse come at her hot and heavy. Miranda, the kennel master's daughter with whom Ramsay (Iwan Rheon) has been having various versions of fight and/or torture sex, is not happy with Sansa's arrival. She leads Sansa to Theon (Alfie Allen), now fully inhabiting the "Reek" character drilled into him by Ramsay.
Over dinner, Ramsay forces Theon to apologize to Sansa for killing her brothers (Which is a lie! Bran and Rickon are still alive! But only we, the audience, know it!). At first it seems like Ramsay has gone too far, and his dad taunts him with a future brother who might usurp his position…but then Roose Bolton just doubles down and tells his creepy, terrible son that he loves him in a creepy and terrible way. These two really deserve each other.
Meanwhile, Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and Podrick have made it to Winterfell, albeit outside the castle, and are ready to spring into action as soon as Sansa lights a candle. Like a bat signal — a Brienne signal.
Traveling "the Mormont Way"
Last, but certainly not least, it wouldn't be an episode of Game of Thrones without a few well-placed quips from Tyrion (Peter Dinklage). Even tied up in a raft, with no one around but the sad-looking Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen), Tyrion still manages to get into life-threatening danger as Jorah's shortcut through Valyria takes them right beneath a bridge swarming with angry, jumpy, grabby grey men.
Covered in the same greyscale disease that marks Stannis' daughter, these dudes have been driven to fast-zombie levels of aggression. After they attack it looks for way too long like it is lights out for Tyrion. No! Jorah manages to get him ashore, but without a boat, with no supplies, and with (dun-dun-dun!) a new patch of greyscale of his very own!
Tell Us: Whose marriage situation is worse, Daenerys or Sansa? Is Jon making a big mistake by leaving the wall behind?
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