It's that time of the year again, when Andy Cohen, blessed be his name, is forced to mediate a three-hour long therapy session with a bunch of women who hate each other — otherwise known as the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion.
Season 6's first part of this endless saga aired on Tuesday, April 19, and featured the Housewives chatting about Yolanda Foster's divorce from David Foster, Kathryn Edwards' 1990s grudge against Faye Resnick, and — of course — Lisa Rinna's Munchausen musings. Also, Erika Girardi taught everyone to "pat the p–s," presumably resulting in the immediate blinding of Giggy the Pom, who we assume was lurking backstage.
Erika on Being a Gold Digger
In case you hadn't noticed, Erika is quite a few years younger than her husband, Tom Girardi, and admitted that his friends initially thought she was a gold digger. "His partners and their wives hating on my ass," Erika said. "I was 27."
The newcomer also denied claims that she's a submissive wife, despite Andy awkwardly floating the subject. "Submissive? I don't think so," she mused. "I think respectful, yes, because the man works hard and has given me a lot."
Yolanda Gets Real About Her Divorce
While Yolanda didn't seem thrilled to be asked about her divorce, she reluctantly opened up to Andy, saying, "It didn't just happen overnight. I got sick a couple of months before we got married, and I dropped off the planet. Being chronically ill for that long takes the life out of you, but also your caretaker."
Yolanda seemed eager to give David a pass, saying he "didn't change," and that "he is a really good man." So, what went wrong? Unclear, but Yolanda implied that her illness was a factor. "We had a falling out on November 2, and we both just had to make conscious decisions on where this is going," she said. "I didn't think that that was the end of the road. I would have hoped to wait until I got 100 percent well."
Would David and Yolanda Be Together If It Weren't for Her Lyme?
Despite Yolanda's reticence to talk smack about her ex, she did admit that she and David would probably still be married if she hadn't gotten sick. "Yeah, we probably would be together, to be honest with you, yes," she said. "Because we were a great team. I've lost my best friend, but it's life."
Speaking of life, Andy asked Yolanda if she'd get married again, and her answer was pretty firm: "No, I don't think so. No."
Kathryn Doubles Down on Her Dislike for Faye Resnick
In case you need a quick recap-within-a-recap, Faye wrote a tell-all book about Nicole and O.J. Simpson years ago, and allegedly implied that Kathryn's then-husband, Marcus Allen, cheated on her.
Naturally, Kathryn wasn't a fan of said book, but the problem? Faye is BFFs with Kyle Richards, who was so not for Faye being dragged through the mud. "The women's interviews are upsetting, and the things that people said about her," Kyle explained. "The person I know is an amazing mom and an amazing friend."
Meanwhile, Kathryn insisted that Faye's book took a toll on her marriage, and said Kyle was ignoring her very real feelings. "You're discounting my real life. I went through it," Kathryn said. "And some of the things she wrote, even pertaining to my ex-husband … It's just, come on …" (By the way, Andy interjected, "His d–k?" at this point, which was amazing.)
Looks like Kathryn isn't about to let Faye off the hook, but the best part of this exchange had to be Yolanda turning to Erika and saying, "I wish she felt that strong about me" while Kyle defended Faye.
Lisa vs. Lisa, Round One Million
So. Much. Drama. First up, Lisa Vanderpump felt the need to ask if perhaps menopause was contributing to Yolanda's illness. Her answer? "I have a pellet in my butt. My hormones are perfect. It's natural," Yolanda replied. Please don't question this amazing sentence — just let it wash over you.
Anyway, Yolanda eventually got around to asking Rinna why she questioned her illness, which lead to the most dramatic moment of the episode — a.k.a., the moment Rinna threw Vanderpump under the bus and hit the accelerator. Basically, Rinna claimed that on the night of her own birthday party, her husband, Harry Hamlin, said everyone should support Yolanda through her illness. But instead of getting on board, Rinna says Vanderpump mused, "There goes our f–king story line."
But wait, it gets more intense. Rinna also claimed that Vanderpump called and "encouraged" her to say "Munchausen," at which point the Melrose Place alum broke out printed copies of her phone records and screamed, "ten f–king phone calls," prompting Yolanda to walk out in tears.
The end. Done. No episode of reality television has ever been better.
Tell Us: Are you Team Rinna or Team Vanderpump?
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs on Bravo Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET.
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