Former NFL player Jaire Alexander is pulling back the curtain on his decision to step back from football at age 28.
In an emotional essay for The Players’ Tribune, published on Wednesday, May 13, Alexander, now 29, recalled being traded from the Green Bay Packers to the Baltimore Ravens and facing off against Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills while recovering from a knee injury. That game, Alexander said, was “brutal.”
“Following that Bills game opening weekend, that was the first time in my life where it’s ever crossed my mind like, I don’t know if I can continue to play football anymore,” he wrote. “I’d been looking forward to that game for so long. Been telling myself I was gonna go out there and dominate. And then … it just didn’t happen.”
Alexander recalled losing “trust” in himself as a player after the game, sharing that he “lost faith in everything and everybody.” While dealing with the aftermath of his performance against the Bills, Alexander was traded to the Philadelphia Eagles and felt the need to “prove something.” At the time, the Eagles were gearing up to play the Packers and Alexander recalled “freaking out” about his knee “getting worse.”
“I went home the night before we were supposed to be flying out to Green Bay in the morning, and I didn’t sleep a wink. I’m tossing and turning in bed nonstop. I’m worried and anxious and unable to stop all the negative thoughts from creeping in,” he wrote. “I couldn’t do it anymore.”
He continued, “At like 3 or 4 a.m., I sat up in bed and texted everyone with the Eagles. It was like…. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to do this. I can’t keep playing like this.’ Then, a few hours later, I went down to the facility and told them all in person. I was done.”
Alexander went on to have a “very emotional heart-to-heart talk” with Eagles defensive backs coach Christian Parker, recalling that he was “basically crying [his] eyes out.”
“I remember telling Coach Parker in that moment: ‘My head’s messed up right now. My head is truly messed up. I don’t know what to do anymore,’” he wrote. “Deciding to step away from the game was one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do. But I absolutely did have to do it.”
When news broke that Alexander would be stepping away from football, he shared that it felt like “the weight of the world had been lifted off [his] shoulders.” He added that there were “no regrets,” and he has since been able to recover his knee, sharing that it “actually feels great.”
“People still sometimes ask me if I’m ever gonna come back and play. And, you know what … I’ll never say never — I still work out, and the knee’s fine now, so I’m in good shape. But for me, right now, the most important thing really is just to be in a good place overall. To be happy,” he wrote.
He concluded, “If there’s anything I’ve learned over this past year, it’s that life isn’t always gonna go perfect. There will always be ups and downs. And sometimes just being able to say that you’re in a good place, and just being happy overall ….That really is good enough.”
