During a scathing 12-minute monologue, the late-night host, 52, broke down the key moments from the president's speech, taking a jab at nearly every major soundbite. "Technically, this is not a State of the Union because I think, in this timeline, the confederacy won," he began before joking that CNN "trolled" the nation with a "Trump leaves White House soon" chyron as Trump, 70, prepared to head to the Capitol in Washington, D.C. "Don't tease! Not cool," he quipped.
Referencing the now-infamous 2017 Oscars mix-up, in which La La Land was erroneously presented with Best Picture instead of Moonlight, Colbert asked the audience, "Any chance there's a mistake and Moonlight is the president?"
The comedian then roasted Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who wore matching navy suits, white button-down shirts and blue ties. "[They] immediately showed their commitment to fiscal responsibility by purchasing a buy one, get two free, suit and tie combo," Colbert joked.
"The theme of the speech was 'Renewal of American Spirit,' which I've got to say really just sounds like a Chinese bootleg of 'Make America Great Again,'" Colbert continued as the crowd laughed.
After calling Kellyanne Conway, counselor to President Trump, a "nonessential federal worker," Colbert slammed the former Celebrity Apprentice star for withdrawing federal protections for transgender students. "The Trans-Pacific Partnership is just one of the 'trans' the administration is withdrawing support from," he said. "They're dedicated to that!"
The former Colbert Report host then rewrote "The New Colossus," the sonnet engraved on a plaque on the Statue of Liberty. "Give us your tired, your poor, but not so poor that they can't afford a two-bedroom apartment and like, a Mitsubishi," he recited.
"As we come to the end of tonight's address to Congress, I think we can agree on one thing," Colbert concluded. "One down, seven to go."
Watch the full 12-minute monologue below.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert airs on CBS weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET.
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