Kate Gosselin is relieved her kids missed the first elimination episode of Dancing With the Stars.
"I've been told by more than one person (including a dwts producer) that on the night of the first dwts elimination, the expression on my face looked like something out of a horror movie. I didn't realize this, obviously, until I saw it for myself... and even I was a bit frightened," Gosselin, 35, admits in her first blog about the show.
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Continues the mom of eight, "Thank goodness my kids were in bed that night -- I didn't want them to watch just in case I was eliminated, but I had no idea I was inadvertently saving them from nightmares. All joking aside, I WAS scared to death!"
But now her kids are tuning in.
"Here's the thing: I want to continue on so that I can learn, have the experience, give my kids the thrill of Monday night entertainment (with popcorn, I might add!) and give them something else to be proud of me for! I cannot tell you how very excited they are for me -- they comment on my sparkly dress, their favorite part of the routine, and how 'boot-I-ful' (that's beautiful in Joel language for all of those who are wondering) I look. This show MUST go on."
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Still, Gosselin admits her nerves haven't eased.
"So far, I have done my best to show Tony's handiwork, but I will say, there almost are no words to describe how very, very difficult it is to control my myriad of nerves, insecurities and all of the fine minute pieces that go together to pull off a flowing and graceful performance!!!!!!" she blogs.
She also downplays the drama between her and partner Tony Dovolani after rehearsal footage showed her throwing a temper tantrum and Dovolani threatening to quit.
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"Tony is a marvelous teacher. The problem is the student!" she swears. "And since I've never had a stitch of dance training prior to this occasion, I indeed look like a beginner. This I know."
Gosselin says she has "mixed emotions" about being voted through another week on the show.
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"I shrieked with delight when I finally heard 'Kate and Tony' and then immediately had to face the fact that a new friend was not going to be there when I returned to L.A. the following week... such mixed emotions! So sad! And happy! And sad! Oh my!"
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The new issue of Us Weekly reports that tensions are still running high between Dovolani and Gosselin. "Tony is losing patience with her attitude," an insider says, adding that he's annoyed she takes 90-minute breaks from rehearsal to get manicures and pedicures.