“For the most part, I try my hardest not to think about it, but everyday I get in the elevator and there’s a lady in my building who’s pregnant and I stare at her belly the entire elevator ride up,” an emotional Girardi said. “Every time I hold my goddaughter or hold my niece, I don’t want to let them go. Everyday there’s just constant reminders that I’m trying so hard to try to move past it, but it seems impossible to stop thinking about it.”
The reality TV personality, 31, does want to have kids one day and opened up about her fear that she will not be able to.
“The scariest part is after you have a miscarriage you start thinking ‘Am I ever going to be able to have kids again? Is this going to happen again?’” Girardi explained.
The former Bachelor star, who had emergency surgery after going into septic shock when she was trying to save her babies, also detailed what happened when she woke up from surgery.
“So when I woke up, I remember one of the first things talking to my mom and asking her was ‘Am I going to be able to get pregnant again?’” Girardi recalled. “She looked at me and she said ‘Yes, the doctor said everything went smoothly and you will be able to get pregnant.’”
Girardi announced the loss of her twin girls, who had a condition called twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, in a heartbreaking Facebook post in August.
“My little angels went to Heaven on Aug 5th and I was rushed into the OR for emergency surgery and was in the ICU for 4 days,” she wrote at the time. “This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life but I knew my little girls were in Heaven already and the pain I feel I would never want any mother to ever feel.”
“RIP My Sweet Angels,” Girardi added. “Your mommy will never forget you and I loved you both with my entire heart.”
Girardi spoke to Us Weekly exclusively about having a high risk pregnancy in August: “The twins are monochorionic diamniotic. They share a placenta, which means they also share nutrients. One baby can potentially take more from the other, so I have monitoring every two weeks.”
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