Bachelor Nation’s Raven Gates is shining a light on her youngest son Max’s “significant language delay” and how his hyperlexia is evolving as he gets older.
“Max has, I wouldn’t even say a little delay, it’s a severe speech delay,” Gates, 35, explained on the Friday, November 6, episode of the “Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous” podcast.
The Bachelor alum — who shares sons Gates, 4, and Max, 3, with husband Adam Gottschalk — said that it was around 2 years old that she and Gottschalk, 36, noticed that Max “wasn’t saying much.”
Gates recalled her baby boy not “answering to his name” so their family started seeing a slew of professionals who all came to different conclusions.
She pointed out that at the recommendation of one professional, they have waited to test Max for autism, saying, “But I think in the next couple of months, we will probably get him evaluated.”
Gates said she is confident they will “get a diagnosis” once her toddler is tested, adding she considers Max “low level,” but she’s not a doctor.
For now, Gates shared that Max has been diagnosed with hyperlexia, which means he can read, spell and count “at a very young age.”
“He reads, he spells, he’s now adding and subtracting. He’s really, really brilliant,” she continued. “But the flexible language and saying, like, ‘Hey, Max, how are you?’ I’m not sure Max knows what that means.”
Max has a one-on-one speech therapist in addition to attending a group class at a communication disorder center.
“What’s so interesting about Max is he’s like the most lovable, sweetest boy in the world,” Gates gushed. “He’s like the most loving ever, but he does not have what a professional would call flexible language.”
To better help Max progress in his speech development, Gates told podcast hosts Ashley Iaconetti and Ben Higgins that he uses an AAC device, which is like an iPad that has “different letters and numbers on it” to assist in the toddler learning how to “communicate” more efficiently.
Max has also been dubbed a gestalt learner, which the Cleveland Clinic describes as someone who “learns and processes language in whole chunks, phrases, or scripts rather than building it one single word at a time.”
Gates explained that when Max says, “Come on, mama,” he may want her or his dad.
“He knows that phrase in context, but he doesn’t know what ‘come on mama’ means to change it to ‘come on daddy.’ But he knows who daddy is,” she told listeners. “He knows who mama is. So it’s been very interesting.”
Gates said despite the challenges along the way in her parenting journey, she remains committed to discovering what works best for her children. “I feel like I’m raising kind of like a little baby Einstein that I have to crack into his brain a little bit to, like, figure out how he learns,” she revealed.
Throughout the process, Gates admitted she had to learn to embrace all of who Max is instead of praying that he would someday be “normal.”
“I was praying to God. I was like, ‘Completely heal him.’ That was my prayer. Give him speech. Give him everything he needs. Heal his brain to his mouth,” Gates said of her perspective six months ago. “Then I just had this epiphany. I was like, ‘How dare I pray for his brilliance to go away?’ Because if I wanted him normal, and if I wanted him not to go through what he’s going through, would he be able to add and subtract at the age of two? Would he be able to read at the age of two?”
Now, Gates has changed her prayers to be, “God, give me the direction to be the best mom I can be individually to each of my children’s needs. And that’s what I’m focused on moving forward.”
The mother of two pointed out that Max is now “progressing in speech” and their family has a “great outlook on the future” based on the professionals’ guidance.
She concluded, “We do believe he will have flexible language, but I think you will know he is different.”
