Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham opens up to the new issue of Us Weekly about the death of 18-month-old daughter Sophia's dad, Derek Underwood.
"It's getting easier," says Abraham, 19, of Underwood, who died in a car accident just two months before Sophia was born in February 2009. "It's hard to deal with the fact that Sophia never got to meet her dad. But now that I've come out on the show about it, I'm really happy I did."
Despite her rocky relationship with Underwood (the couple — who dated on and off for two years — hadn't spoken for four months before he died), Abraham says he would have been a great father.
"He would have been loving and supportive and taken care of both of us. When Sophia was born, her face looked just like his, and so did her toes! I wish he would have been there," she tells Us. "I made Sophia a baby book with notes that he and I wrote to each other. It's a big collection of our relationship. I have pictures of us going to dances and lots of memories written down to share. I want her to know that he was a happy person who liked to have fun."
She's waiting for the right time to open up to Sophia.
"When she can comprehend everything, I'm going to open up about what happened," says Abraham, who will get her associate's degree this November. "It's not going to be easy, but I want her to know she's loved and not feel the void of not having her dad there."
Now, she is leaning on her parents for help. She calls her relationship with her mom, Debra Danielson, "a work in progress."
Danielson was arrested and charged with domestic assault after their tension over Abraham's seeming lack of attention toward her newborn escalated into an altercation and police were called. Danielson pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of interference with a police officer and was ordered to take anger management classes.
"We're a lot better. We try to go to counseling at least once a month. We're definitely past the incident, and we've forgiven each other," says Abraham. "I see or speak to my parents [Danielson and dad Michael] daily now, and they're the best babysitters I could find!"
For exclusive interviews with Maci, Amber and Catelynn, pick up the new issue of Us Weekly, on stands today!