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Johnny Depp Says He ‘Couldn’t Take the Pain’ After Amber Heard Divorce and Personal Struggles

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp attend a screening of 'Black Mass' during the BFI London Film Festival at Odeon Leicester Square in London, England.
Amber Heard and Johnny Depp attend a screening of 'Black Mass' during the BFI London Film Festival at Odeon Leicester Square in London, England.INSTAR Images

Johnny Depp is getting personal. The actor opened up in an extensive new interview about his divorce from Amber Heard, legal woes, financial issues and drinking habits, among many other topics.

Related: Hollywood’s Ugliest Divorces

“I was as low as I believe I could have gotten,” Depp, 55, told Rolling Stone in a profile published on Thursday, June 21. “The next step was, ‘You’re going to arrive somewhere with your eyes open and you’re going to leave there with your eyes closed.’ I couldn’t take the pain every day.”

The Pirates of the Caribbean star said he decided to start writing a memoir on an old typewriter to cope with his post-divorce depression as he toured with his band, Hollywood Vampires.

“I poured myself a vodka in the morning and started writing until the tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t see the page anymore,” he said. “I kept trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve this. I’d tried being kind to everyone, helping everyone, being truthful to everyone. The truth is most important to me. And all this still happened.”

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Depp and Heard, 32, who first met on the set of The Rum Diary in 2011, wed in a private ceremony in February 2015. His sister Christi Dembrowski was opposed to the marriage, according to the profile. In May 2016, Heard filed for divorce. It was finalized in January 2017 after a contentious legal battle that included allegations of verbal and physical abuse against Depp, which he vehemently denied. However, the former couple (who did not have a prenuptial agreement and signed nondisclosure agreements in their divorce case) acknowledged in an August 2016 statement that their relationship was “intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love.” The actress pledged to donate the $7 million she received in the settlement to nonprofit organizations.

The same month the divorce was finalized, the Edward Scissorhands actor sued his former business managers, Joel and Robert Mandel of The Management Group. He claimed they had mishandled his finances, costing him millions of dollars. The Mendels countersued and alleged that Depp was the one who had spent all of his money. They also claimed that he spent $30,000 a month on wine.

“It’s insulting to say that I spent $30,000 on wine,” he clarified to Rolling Stone. “Because it was far more.”

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Similarly, the Mendels claimed in their suit that Depp spent $3 million to have the ashes of his friend Hunter S. Thompson shot out of a canon after his death in February 2005. The Oscar nominee, who played the late journalist in the 1998 film Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, rebutted, “It was not $3 million to shoot Hunter into the f—king sky. It was $5 million.”

These days, the Sweeney Todd actor’s biggest worry is his children, Lily-Rose, 19, and Jack, 16. “My son had to hear about how his old man lost all his money from kids at school,” he said. “That’s not right.”

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