Shawn Johnson Opens Up About Guilt After Miscarriage: I Thought ‘It Was Something That I Did’

Shawn Johnson during the 2017 Summer Television Critics Association Press Tour at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on August 3, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California.
Shawn Johnson during the 2017 Summer Television Critics Association Press Tour at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on August 3, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California. Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Shawn Johnson opened up about the emotional effects of suffering a miscarriage just hours after she learned she was expecting a child with husband Andrew East.

“The day I was told we were miscarrying, I felt guilty,” Johnson, 25, said in a YouTube video titled “After the Miscarriage” posted on Monday, October 23. “I felt sad and I remember telling Andrew, ‘I’m sorry I lost your baby.’ I felt like it was something that I did,” she recalled in the 17-minute video. “I didn’t take care of the baby well enough, or I was stressed out too much, or I didn’t take the right prenatal vitamins.”

“It was all these different guilts and thoughts and negative feelings like I failed my baby,” the gymnast continued. “I felt like I was [un]inhabitable.”

As previously reported, Johnson revealed in a YouTube video on Saturday, October 21, that she and East had lost their baby. “So, it’s been a roller coaster of a few days. We just got back from the doctor and I’m no longer pregnant. Somehow, I lost the pregnancy already. It sucks. It’s definitely no fun, guys … and having a doctor confirm that we miscarried doesn’t feel good,” Johnson said. “I’ve cried enough today, I don’t need to cry anymore.”

“The past 48 hours have been some of the happiest, scariest, and saddest times of my life,” the Olympic gold medalist captioned the original video. “My husband Andrew and I found out that we were unexpectedly pregnant, only to find out hours later some tragic news. I have been crying more than I ever have, but am still optimistic for what is next.”

The couple got engaged at Wrigley Field in Chicago in July 2015 after the football player got down on one knee on the mound in front of an entire stadium full of fans. “I’m the luckiest girl in the entire world!” she told Us exclusively at the time. “He was acting so weird all day and was so quiet but I shrugged it off because I was so terrified of throwing the first pitch!” The pair wed in a Nashville ceremony in April 2016.

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