The end is near! The week before the season 5 finale of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills means it’s time to be reminded of the year’s ongoing conflicts while setting up some major feuds for the finale. As a result, instead of facing off against each other, the Housewives spent most of their time in the March 17 episode lounging around and talking about their past brawls.
A quick rehash: Lisa Rinna does not believe Kim Richards is sober. Kyle Richards thinks Brandi Glanville is going to ruin Kim Richards’ life. Lisa Vanderpump is tired of Glanville’s antics. Glanville is tired of everyone being mean to her. And Kim hates everyone who isn’t Glanville or Kathy Hilton because she is sober.
“Confessions of a Housewife” wasn’t the most exciting episode — not a single wine glass was thrown at a person’s face! — but it certainly helped recap the season’s conflicts ahead of the sure-to-be-dramatic finale. Plus, Adrienne Maloof came back! As we gear up for the season’s end, let’s take a look at this week’s RHOBH Power Ranking.
1. Lisa Vanderpump
Vanderpump continued to avoid the other ladies on the show, i.e. what she’s been doing all season of RHOBH, and as soon as she was done with the contracted vacation to Amsterdam, she ran straight back to doing what she does best: advertising her restaurants and her causes. She managed to smoothly combine these ventures by using her screen time this week to show herself officiating a gay wedding at one of her West Hollywood restaurants. Vanderpump is a hustler, and at this point she knows exactly how to turn her TV appearances into what she wants them to be: a celebration of her and her dreams. Who doesn’t admire that?
Best Moment: While in Amsterdam, she called husband Ken to talk about last week’s big slap with Glanville. The entire time she described what Glanville did as a “slap around her face.” Who knows what that even means, but it was a delight to hear every time she said it. Even better was Ken’s disgruntled “get away from her!” upon hearing the news. He was as over Glanville’s antics as the rest of the viewing public, and it was wonderful.
2. Yolanda Foster
Foster has taken it upon herself to fix Glanville because, as she put it in Tuesday’s episode, she comes from the heart. Therefore, Foster refused to be intimidated by Glanville’s self-centered behavior and was able to listen to her cry incessantly about how the other Housewives are petty, hypocritical monsters — all while Foster had an IV drip for her Lyme Disease and Glanville had a 14-carat gold facial.
Frankly, it’s amazing that Foster wanted to deal with all of these silly self-pity parties since she has her own real-life drama to contend with instead. Then again, maybe the Housewife drama provides a great distraction from her own problems and that’s why she’s on the show. Or maybe she’s on the show because it is a great advertisement for her daughter’s modeling career. You decide!
Best Moment: Proudly purchasing and wearing a pair of crazy clogs during the episode’s opening shopping trip. Really, who could even find shoes like that, let alone rock them like Foster did?
3. Lisa Rinna
After the glass-smashing incident of the March 3 episode, Rinna seemed to have PTSD — reacting to the Amsterdam Dinner Brawl the way most soldiers react to returning home from war. She also had a Pilates session with Kyle Richards where they talked about how Glanville would have totally been into holding an intervention for Kim — which is just the knowledge Kyle needed to launch into her umpteenth fight with her sister on the subject of her friendship with Glanville.
Rinna is a high utility Housewife — even the tiniest amount of screen time will pack plenty of punch, allowing her to rank highly even in a week where she didn’t feature much.
Best Moment: In a throwaway scene while shopping, Rinna held up a giant pencil and proclaimed to everyone how much she used to love them when she was little. It’s a moment that perfectly encapsulates why Rinna is the ideal Housewife: She’s slightly ridiculous, knows it, and embraces that ridiculousness anyway.
4. Eileen Davidson
Davidson basically sat on the sidelines this week, and her screen time was confined to an Amsterdam shopping adventure with Rinna and the group dinner (minus Glanville) at the end of their trip — which was sad, because it means the audience was denied her classic soap star reactions to the shenanigans around her.
Best Moment: The brief confessional where she expressed her glee at Glanville skipping the final Housewife dinner in Amsterdam was an all-time classic GIF-worthy moment to be immortalized on tumblr forever and ever.
Richards cried about the struggles of being Kim’s sister before yelling at her, basically continuing what she has done every episode this season. Maybe the producers were struggling to find new footage, or something?
Best Moment: The fact that Richards refused to call Kim anything but “my sister” in interviews. She is extremely possessive of Kim, and will do whatever it takes to let you know that she has an innately closer relationship to Kim than Glanville does. They are sisters. Sisters!!!
Where to even begin? Everything Glanville did was eye-roll worthy, even her sexy hookup with a 23-year-old! She made out with the aforementioned Amsterdam boy (and friend of Vanderpump’s son!) whom she met in the Red Light District while gushing about what a beautiful you-know-what he has. She cried during a facial about how tough her life was while her “best friend” got an IV drip five feet away. She continued to believe that her friendship with Vanderpump could be mended even after she slapped her on a boat last week. Even her wardrobe was eye roll-worthy (bright red pseudo-sunglasses, sparkly minidresses made for people half her age).
Best Moment: Glanville called the rest of her fellow Housewives “Menopausal Mamas,” which sounds like the coolest biker gang your grandmother ever deigned to be a part of.
7. Kim Richards
All the other Housewives were concerned about Richards’ sobriety, while she was still mad about sister Kyle taking the Palm Desert house. In this week’s episode, like many before, she and Kyle screamed about that house. Again. Come on, let’s work on some new drama, ladies!
Best Moment: Richards had a long talk with Adrienne Maloof at the latter’s magic show — past Housewife alert! Everyone loves a good blast from the past.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.
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