Help! Scream Queens' Tuesday, September 27, episode was a stomach-churning one! You already know things can get bloody on the Fox show, but now that the setting is a hospital, you better believe it has only gotten bloodier. Here are the five most scream-worthy moments.
Suspect the Unsuspected
Right off the bat, Chanel No. 5 (Abigail Breslin) became a suspect in the murder she witnessed at the end of the last episode. The hairy patient, Catherine Hobart (Cecily Strong), had her freshly made-over head chopped off while doing a hydrotherapy bath, and that head was the only part of her the detectives could find. The shot of the head was unnerving, but not quite as unnerving as hearing the detective declare Chanel No. 5 probably killed her, then saying that in spite of the green slime everywhere, there was no real evidence of what happened.
If it wasn’t Chanel, and the cops don’t want to help, how will we ever know who the Green Meanie is?!
Bringing the Issues to, Uh, Boil
Well, the good news is we learned who Colton Haynes’ guest character turned out to be. The bad news is he was the night’s second supergross thing. Haynes played a character named Tyler who was totally covered in warts. Chanel No. 1 (Emma Roberts) wondered if he had kissed a toad. Chanel No. 5 and Chanel No. 3 (Billie Lourd) took turns pondering whether he had a toad in his lineage, or rented out his pores to expectant female spiders on Airbnb. He was truly horrific-looking.
Chanel No. 3 started fundraising for the expensive laser he would need to remove the warts after she realized he used to be superhot and that he would date her if she helped him. Before she could get all the necessary cash and thus a boyfriend, Chanel got money to buy the laser from Chad (Glen Powell), who returned to the show almost exclusively to have beef with Dr. Holt (John Stamos) about who would succeed in wooing and keeping Chanel. More on that later.
Let’s Do the Slime Warp Again
Zayday (Keke Palmer) got suspicious of Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) and her motives. So Zayday went to Chamberlain (James Earl) with her theory that Munsch wanted to kill the Chanels, which is why she invited a bunch of college kids to work at a hospital. They got to work doing research, only to realize that someone — presumably Munsch — had scrubbed the hospital’s records from the internet.
Using old newspaper clippings, they found out the whole hospital staff was killed during a Halloween party in 1986. In a slo-mo scene, the slimy Green Meanie stabbed doctors and slit their throats open, then found Dr. Mike (Jerry O’Connell), stabbed him and lifted him off the ground. His girlfriend was hit with a thrown knife. Meanie’s slimy, neon footprints wound around the halls and ended with a pile of bloody bodies.
Did this have something to do with Dr. Mike killing a patient and dumping him in a swamp during a previous year’s Halloween party? Uh, yeah, probably.
Squashing the Competition
Chad and Dr. Holt spent the whole episode feuding over Chanel. In a very memorable moment that will stick with Us forever, they argued in the staff bathroom as they took showers. Chad kept ripping open Dr. Holt’s shower curtain, eventually getting into the tiny, wet cubicle, so they could argue face-to-face and pec-to-pec. No, it’s not a gross scene. We just wanted to tell you.
Anyway, they faced off in a game of squash, declaring that the winner would get Chanel. After losing miserably, Chad enlisted a private investigator to dig up dirt on the steamy surgeon. He learned that the donated hand that had been sewn onto Dr. Holt had belonged to an Olympic squash superstar who just so happened to murder his opponents.
Not only did we have to see the squash sensation kill someone, but we had to think about how his haunted hand was sewn onto and basically possessing another person. Yeah, this was gross.
When Zayday confronted her about possibly trying to kill the girls, Dean Munsch explained she had taken over the hospital because she had an undiagnosable, incurable disease. After hearing the symptoms and remembering that Munsch had asked for New Guinean food, Zayday asked if the older woman had been to New Guinea recently. Turns out, she had, and while she was there, she attended a party-slash-funeral and accidentally ingested some human remains, which gave her the cannibal’s disease, kuru. Um, ew-ru, if you ask Us.
Tyler did end up wanting to be Chanel No. 5’s boyfriend, but sadly, just as he was proclaiming his adoration for her, the Green Meanie wheeled him into the surgery room and fried him alive with the laser needed to get rid of his lesions. Maybe next time, No. 5!
Tell Us: Has the Green Meanie been an ickier murderer than the Red Devil so far?
Scream Queens airs on Fox Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET.
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