Holy swag bag!
While a select group will take home those coveted gold statues at the Oscars on Sunday, March 2, some of the losers will at least have their $80,000 "Everyone Wins at the Oscars" gift bags.
For the 15th year, L.A.-based marketing firm Distinctive Assets will give the gift bags to the losing nominees in the Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress, and Director categories. 2014 Oscar nominees include Amy Adams, Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sandra Bullock, and Martin Scorsese.
Us Weekly takes a sneak peek inside each parcel valued at more than what nominee Jonah Hill was paid for the Wolf of Wall Street ($60,000) — and highlights the most outrageous products.
Weird Procedures, $18,070
Uh O! Celebs will receive the O-Shot procedure, which supposedly "rejuvenates and enhances the genital tissue of a woman." The $2,700 procedure is said to enhance sexual response and slow urinary incontinence.
For the gents (and some ladies): hair restoration surgery using ARTAS Robotic Hair Transplant system ($16,000) is also offered.
Weight Loss Products, $949
As stars famously slim down for awards shows, the gift bag includes 10 personal training sessions with Huntley Drive Fitness ($850), portion-conscious dinnerware from Slimware ($59), and Hydroxycut gummies, protein bars, and shakes ($40).
A Train Trek through the Rocky Mountains, $6,850
All aboard! Recipients will receive a two-day rail journey on the Rocky Mountaineer luxury train, which travels through Western Canada. Their journey will start with an overnight stay in Vancouver, then the train will travel past waterfalls, endless forests, still lakes, and other scenic spots until it arrives at its destination, a resort town in the Canadian Rockies.
Maple Syrup — and a Maple Tree!
Celebs will receive $280 worth of pure organic maple syrup, salad dressings, jellies, mustard, and an apron. But that's not all! Each star will receive an adoption certificate of a maple tree in Notre-Dame-Des-Bois. Cost? Invaluable.
A Walk through Japan and the Best of Vegas, $24,000
Explorers will have the chance to tour and discover the authentic, non-touristy side of Japan by foot from Walk Japan ($15,000). Celebs will also have the chance to live it up through the Best of Las Vegas offering ($9,000), which includes a face-to-face meeting with Boyz II Men.
Home Systems, $7,455
Water therapy for the stars and their homes! Nominees will receive the Steamist Total Sense Home Spa System ($2,560), which includes shower amenities like aromatherapy, wireless in-shower audio, and more, in addition to Krystal Klear Water's whole house water filtration system ($4,895).
Resort and Villa Stays, $5,300
Celebs will receive resort stays at the Imanta resort in Ocean Casa ($3,300) and a 5-night stay in a luxury villa at the Koloa landing resort in Kauai ($2,000).
Pet Products, $7,706
Celeb pets are winners too! Epic Pet Health is offering stars its electrolyte pet therapy, complete with a year's supply of pet supplements ($1,591). Stars will also receive Simon's Happy Pet Shampoo ($15). And finally: Freekibble.com, Ellen DeGeneres' natural pet food line, Halo Spot's Stew, will give a 10,000-meal donation to the shelter of each celebrity's choice ($6,100).
And these are just the highlights! Other bizarre treats for the 2014 Oscar losers include a horse shampoo for humans ($95), his and hers Mace pepper spray guns ($120), and a narrative clip that gives its users a shareable photographic memory ($279).
So tell Us: If you were the nominees, would you rather want the swag bag or the statue?
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