UsMagazine.com has your first peek at the new season of VH1's Celebrity Rehab 4, featuring Janice Dickinson, who is being treated for alcohol abuse.
In the above clip, she describes her painstaking struggle to stay sober.
"I'm ashamed," she tells her counselor. "It's really painful."
Sober for years, she tells him that she's "slipped" and "created a lot of damage ... this shame is overbearing."
At one point, the teary-eyed model, 55, tells him, "I'm having thoughts of suicide."
Though her counselor tries to support her, she is inconsolable. "I wanted to go to the bathroom ... I wanted to try to hang myself," she tells him. "I want it to ... end."
She then demands to go to the hospital before letting out a giant wail.