So many questions… answered! Eva Mendes finally broke her silence about her secretive pregnancy, as well as what life has been like since welcoming her baby girl Esmeralda Amada with Ryan Gosling in September.
"I'm completely exhausted," Mendes, 40, told Violet Grey's digital publication, The Violet Files, of first-time motherhood. "I thought my wild nights were over but these are some of the wildest nights I've ever had."
The actress told the mag that she's currently raising Esmeralda without a nanny, but is open to the idea of having one. For now, Mendes and Gosling rely on their mothers and her siblings to "come over and really help me." She added: "But as far as a nanny or a night nurse, for me that part of being a mother at this early stage is the struggle of not being able to sleep and not knowing what I’m doing and really going through it with her and battling out those nights."
Mendes added that she tries to remain as calm as possible, even during baby Esmeralda's fussy moments. "I try not to Google too many things because it is frightening," she admitted, "but I do go to Babycenter.com and read the comment sections from other mothers because I find so much solace in that. Just knowing that I’m not alone out there and that other moms have gone through the same thing can at least get me through the night."
The struggles of motherhood have also made Mendes more appreciative of her own mom. "I cannot believe that by the time my mother was 24 she had three kids under the age of 4," she reflected. "She was in Cuba and totally alone. So when it’s the wee hours of the night and I’m feeling a bit insane, I think about her and realize that I have no right to complain about anything."
Mendes has started thinking like a mother, too. "I want to stay present with her," she said of her newborn tot. "But I do consider how my own actions now will seem to her later on. For instance, with the Violet Grey photo shoot, I thought, 'Is this something that she’s going to be proud of?' The idea that I would ever embarrass her is really heartbreaking for me."
This empathy has been a big part of Mendes' mentality in taking care of her little girl. "I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby," she mused. "Everything is a struggle for her. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ‘90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview. Motherhood is cake compared to what it’s like to be a baby."
Mendes also discussed her notoriously under-the-radar pregnancy, revealing that she passed the time with her family. "I have eight nieces and nephews, so my brothers and sisters know a thing or two about what to expect when you’re expecting," she noted. "I have a very tight-knit family and the pregnancy brought us even closer together."
Us Weekly broke the news that Mendes and Gosling were expecting their first child together, as well as the baby's birth on Sept. 12. Later, Us confirmed that the couple had named their child Esmeralda Amada Gosling.
Mendes explained the reason for the name. "We both love the Esmeralda character from the Victor Hugo novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame and just think it’s a beautiful name," she told the mag. "Her middle is Amada, which was my grandmother’s name. It means 'beloved' in Spanish."
She added: "We were really excited about naming her."