Roasted! Joel McHale didn't hold anything back when he headlined the White House Correspondents' Dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel on Saturday, May 3. Taking center stage after President Obama's joke-filled speech to the audience of politicians, press, and celebrity guests, the Community star unleashed a barrage of edgy zingers skewering everyone from the Commander-in-Chief and CNN to Jessica Simpson and even the Kardashians.
When he was announced as the host of the 2014 event back in February, McHale promised his material would be "equally offensive to all & over within 30 min—just like a Congressional work year." So did he succeed in his endeavor? Judge for yourself! Here's a roundup of some of his best and most biting one-liners.
On President Obama's legacy: "I'm a big fan of President Obama. I think he's one of the all-time great presidents. Definitely among the top 50. Somebody please explain that to Jessica Simpson."
On being tapped to host this year's dinner: "I'd also like to thank the White House Correspondents' Association for having me. And for not being able to book Jimmy Fallon."
On his speech: "This will be short and sweet, just like Chris Christie's presidential bid." (There were lots of other jokes about Christie later in the speech, too, including jabs at his size and the infamous Bridgegate scandal.)
On the 2016 election: "People are asking, 'Will Donald Trump run again?' And the answer is, 'Does that thing on his head crap in the woods?'"
On the Kardashians: "I know the Kardashians are Republicans, because they're always trying to screw black people."
On the President's critics: "Mr. President, your critics have compared you to Hitler and Stalin, but that's ridiculous. You look way older than them."
On the President's health: "Every year, the White House doctor checks the President's colon for polyps—and George Clooney's head."
On healthcare.gov: "Now, over 8 million people have signed up for Obamacare, which is impressive until you realize that Ashley Tisdale has 12 million Twitter followers." (He also said the launch of the site was so bad that people now use it to describe other bad things. "I shouldn't have eaten that sushi. I was up all night healthcare.goving.")
On the media: "MSNBC is a confusing place. I mean, Al Sharpton is their skinny guy! And CNN is desperately searching for something it's been missing for months—their dignity." Of Fox News, he added: "Bill O'Reilly, Megyn Kelly, and Sean Hannity are the Mount Rushmore of keeping old people angry."
On the link between Hollywood and Washington: "Hollywood helps America by projecting a heroic image to the rest of the world. We just released a new movie about Captain America, or as he's known in China, Captain Who Owes Us 1.1 Trillion Dollars."
On the celebs at the WHCD: "There are a lot of celebrities here. They're the ones who don't look like ghouls. Look around."
On America's "big problems": "What's our biggest concern as Americans? TV show spoilers. In other countries, spoilers mean, 'Hey, i haven't been back to the village for a while. Don't tell me who died in the drone strike.'" (He added, immediately after, "Sorry about that.")
On Robert DeNiro: "Robert DeNiro is here tonight. I don't do an impression of Robert DeNiro, but I do an impression of Robert DeNiro's agent. 'Ring ring. He'll do it!'"
