After spending 45 minutes researching children’s vitamins, blogger Bunmi Laditan reached her breaking point. “Being a modern parent is terrible,” the Quebec-based author began her September 25 Facebook rant. “I’d give my left kneecap to have parented in the 70s or 80s when all you had to do to be considered a good mom is to remember to wind down the windows when you smoke in the car.”
“I own two good bras but I’m ready to spend upwards of $100 on children’s vitamins, probiotics (these look like finely pressed cocaine and tastes like nothing but if you don’t buy it your child dies), and supplements,” Laditan wrote. “Do you know what vitamins I had growing up? NONE. DAYLIGHT WAS MY VITAMIN. Occasionally, once a year tops, my mom would get us those chalky Flinstones vitamins that looked like kidney stones but we’d only have to eat them for a few days before she lost interest in our health.”
Laditan, who penned the book Toddlers Are A**holes, lamented the pressures that are put on moms and dads in 2016. “I’ve seen the way some parents look at me when I give my son a juice box at the park. It’s juice, not Red Bull or margarita mix so calm down,” she vented. “When I was a kid I lived on Tampico. That’s orange juice for poor people. It is thickened with pureed welfare checks, comes in three colors (government-cheese orange, about-to-start-selling-blood-plasma red, and I-can’t-afford-these-kids-shoulda-pulled-out-blue). My parents bought this fruit-free juice with food stamps and despite my ongoing mental problems, I’m fine.”
In the end, Laditan revealed she ended up spending “an electricity bill” on vitamins. “Because in 2016, you don’t really love your kids if you’re not a paranoid mess about their physical well being and willing to spend a small fortune on dye-free toothpaste made in the woods that tastes like elderberry and privilege,” she explained. “If you need me, I’ll be in front of my computer crying bitter tears and searching for phthalate-free bubble bath.”
Her post resonated with many other parents: It has received 115,000 likes and 71,000 shares. “I’m 60 now and I’m here to tell you it all works out. Step away from the inter webs and just give the kids a hug and a kiss. Repeat 3 times daily. That’s all the vitamins they need,” wrote one commenter, while another joked: “I must not love my kids. I manage to get them dressed in (mostly) matching clothes. And I feed them. I thought I was on a roll.”
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