Two years after her son Ian Alexander Jr.‘s death, Regina King spoke out for the first time about navigating grief.
“When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, ‘What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?'” King, 53, said on Thursday, March 14, during a Good Morning America interview, noting that “sometimes a lot of guilt” still comes over her.
King recalled having to “just sit with Ian’s choice” in the aftermath of his passing. “I respect and understand that he didn’t want to be here anymore,” she continued. “And that’s a hard thing for other people to receive, because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”
The actress’ son — whom she shared with ex-husband Ian Alexander Sr. — died by suicide at age 26 in January 2022. He was King’s only child.
“Our family is devastated at the deepest level by the loss of Ian,” King told Today in a statement at the time. “He is such a bright light who cared so deeply about the happiness of others. Our family asks for respectful consideration during this private time. Thank you.”
Before his death, Ian opened up about his mental health struggles, writing via X earlier that month, “You know that episode of SpongeBob where they go inside his brain and it’s a bunch of mini spongebobs just losing their s—t … yea that one really hits home. I don’t think Instagram is healthy for me.”
King recalled initially being “so angry with God” after Ian’s death. She has since prioritized honoring Ian’s legacy, adding on Thursday, “It’s important to me to honor Ian the totality of who he is — I speak about him in the present, because he is always with me. And the joy and happiness that he gave all of us.”
For King, being Ian’s mother is her “favorite thing” about herself.
“[I] can’t say that with a smile, with tears, with all of the emotion that comes with that [if I don’t] respect the journey,” she continued, before discussing how she feels her son’s physical presence. “Sometimes it’ll trigger laughter — most times, as of recent, it triggers a smile. But sometimes his absence is really loud.”
King noted that she is now “a different person,” saying, “I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom. Only me. And so it’s mine, and the sadness will never go away. It’ll always be with me. “And I think I saw somewhere, ‘The sadness is a reminder of how much he means to me,’ you know? Happy sorrow.”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
