Caitlyn Jenner Suffered Massive Panic Attack After Facial Feminization Surgery: “What Did I Just Do?”

Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair
Caitlyn Jenner told Vanity Fair she suffered a panic attack following her March 2015 facial-feminization surgery. ANNIE LEIBOVITZ

Caitlyn Jenner is finally free with the release of her stunning Vanity Fair cover story, but as the 65-year-old admits, finding solace in her new life took an emotional — and at times, very physical — toll. Speaking to VF's Buzz Bissinger in the July issue, Jenner said that March 15 was an important day in her gender transition for many reasons: Undergoing a 10-hour facial-feminization surgery, Jenner wondered on that day if she had taken her transition too far.

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"What did I just do? What did I just do to myself?" Caitlyn Jenner (who transitioned from Bruce Jenner) told VF of her first thoughts post-surgery. After coming out of the procedure, the former Olympian was at such a loss that she called a counselor from the Los Angeles Gender Center, who came to Jenner's Malibu home to assure her that her reactions were likely induced by the pain medication, and that second-guessing was "human and temporary."

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After her conversation with the counselor, Jenner never looked back. "If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, 'You just blew your entire life," she told Vanity Fair. "You never dealt with yourself,' and I don't want that to happen."

Now that Caitlyn Jenner has made herself known to the world, Kris Jenner's ex is growing more comfortable by the day — as are those closest to her.

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During her transition, Jenner has hosted a series of wine and food "girls' nights" with friends. On one such night, she introduced daughter Cassandra to the woman Jenner long called "her." "I was just nervous that I wouldn't make her feel comfortable," Cassandra told VF. "I was worried I wouldn't say the right things or act the right way or seem relaxed." Once Cassandra realized Jenner's true happiness, she felt at ease. "We talked more than we ever have. We could just be girls together."

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