Caitlyn Jenner Was “Terrified of Being Discovered” and More Revelations From Her Vanity Fair Article

Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair
Caitlyn Jenner opens up about her transition to Vanity Fair ANNIE LEIBOVITZ

Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair debut was, without a doubt, no-holds-barred. In the July 2015 issue, Caitlyn, formerly Bruce, introduced herself to the world, and revealed that struggling with her gender identity, on top of being a parent to 10 kids, was no easy feat — for anyone involved.

“You wonder if you are making all the right decisions,” Jenner recalled to Buzz Bissinger during one of their many meetings, which took place over the course of three months. “I wish I were kind of normal. It would be so much more simple….The uncomfortableness of being me never leaves all day long,” the former Olympic gold medalist revealed. “I’m not doing this to be interesting. I’m doing this to live.” 

See below for more of the many revelations Jenner told the magazine:

– The transgender star started taking hormones in the late 1980s and admitted she would secretly wear panty hose and a bra underneath her suit during press interviews following the 1976 Olympics. “I was terrified of being discovered,” Jenner recalled. “I was not at a point in my life where I was comfortable with myself. ‘I don’t want to be this way’ was the bottom line."

– Jenner was significantly absent from her biological children’s lives, and intentionally didn’t attend their graduations or celebrate their birthdays. “I have high hopes that Caitlyn is a better person than Bruce,” her oldest son, Burt, admitted. “I’m very much looking forward to that.”

– Jenner was 10 when she started dressing in women’s clothing. She was “fascinated by it all” but felt “scared to death somebody was going to find out.” 

– Jenner first revealed her secret to ex-wife Chrystie Jenner. “It was like a piece of information he shared with me and then he went back to being a real guy,” Chrystie recalled. “He had a strong, healthy sex drive and seemed like pure man.” 

– Jenner’s second wife, Linda Thompson, revealed that a therapist explained to her: “‘You can live with him as he transitions and you can have what you might consider a lesbian relationship because, you know, you can stay married to him. You will both be women, but he’s attracted to you. He would like to stay married to you. Or if that doesn’t appeal to you, you can move on.’” She chose to move on and they later divorced. 

– In 1990, Jenner stopped transitioning when she met her third ex-wife Kris Jenner. “I’m thinking the last thing I need is a Beverly Hills shopper,” Caitlyn recalled of being set up with the momager, before realizing: “She comes with as much baggage as I do.”

– Kris claims that Caitlyn didn’t explain her gender dysphoria until after their divorce. “It was like the most passive-aggressive thing I think I’ve ever experienced,” Kris recalled. 

– The Jenner kids don’t want to participate in Caitlyn’s E! reality series because they feel it’ll be a “circus.” Caitlyn has now come to terms with their decision: “I think it’s better for the show right now. It keeps me on point and doesn’t distract with all the family issues.”

– Caitlyn is aware of the criticism she will face. “‘Oh, she’s doing a stupid reality show. She’s doing it for the money. She’s doing this, she’s doing that.’ I’m not doing it for money,” she says. “I’m doing it to help my soul and help other people. If I can make a dollar, I certainly am not stupid. [I have] house payments and all that kind of stuff. I will never make an excuse for something like that. Yeah, this is a business..[but] you don’t go out and change your gender for a television show. Okay, it ain’t happening. I don’t care who you are. It ain’t happening, okay? You don’t do it.”

– On July 15, Caitlyn will make her first major public appearance and will receive the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at ESPN’s ESPYs. All ten kids are expected to be by her side.

– Caitlyn’s debut with Vanity Fair supersedes the Olympics. “That was a good day,” she said as she looked at her gold medal. “But the last couple of days were better.”

For the complete interview and more photos, pick up the issue on newsstands June 9.

Sign up now for the Us Weekly newsletter to get breaking celebrity news, hot pics and more delivered straight to your inbox!

Want stories like these delivered straight to your phone? Download the Us Weekly iPhone app now!