Not so great. Vanity Fair writer Tina Nguyen went in on President-elect Donald Trump’s New York City restaurant Trump Grill in a scathing review published Wednesday, December 14.
According to Nguyen, the reality star turned politician’s eatery — located inside Manhattan’s Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue — leaves much to be desired. She and her companions decided to try some of the Trump family’s favorite items on the menu — and they were not impressed.
First, Nguyen and her pals ordered “Ivanka’s Salad,” a toss-up of vegetables named for the future POTUS’ eldest daughter, Ivanka Trump. Nguyen describes it in her review as "a chopped approximation of a Greek salad, smothered in melting goat cheese and dressing and missing the promised olives, that seemed unlikely to appetize a SoulCycle-obsessed, smoothie-guzzling heiress. … But the cuboid plant matter ended up being the perfect place to hide several uneaten Szechuan dumplings.” She didn’t like those either, describing them as “flaccid.”
Next, Nguyen bit into Donald Trump Jr.’s signature dish: filet mignon cooked medium-rare, with garlic mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. “The steak came out overcooked and mealy, with an ugly strain of pure fat running through it, crying out for A.1. sauce (it was missing the promised demi-glace too). The plate must have tilted during its journey from the kitchen to the table, as the steak slumped to the side over the potatoes like a dead body inside a T-boned minivan,” she quipped of the unappetizing meal.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2016
Before digging into one of Trump’s favorite meals (the taco bowl), Nguyen taste-tested the burger.
“Renowned butcher Pat LaFrieda once dared me to eat an eyeball that he himself popped out of the skull of a roasted pig. That eyeball tasted better than the Trump Grill’s (Grille’s) Gold Label Burger, a Pat LaFrieda–branded short-rib burger blend molded into a sad little meat thing, sitting in the center of a massive, rapidly staling brioche bun, hiding its shame under a slice of melted orange cheese,” Nguyen observed. “If the cheeseburger is a quintessential part of America’s identity, Trump’s pledge to ‘make America great again’ suddenly appeared not very promising. (Presumably, Trump’s Great America tastes like an MSG-flavored kitchen sponge lodged between two other sponges.)”
Finally, Nguyen noshed on the taco bowl. The Trump Grill’s menu item has become wildly popular since Trump posted a pic of himself devouring the dish on Cinco de Mayo and captioned it, “I love Hispanics!”
Though Nguyen said it was the “most edible thing” they ate, she compared the guacamole to something “NASA might have served in a tube labeled ‘TACO FILLING’ in the early days of the space program” and used the dish itself as fodder for commentary on Trump’s views on immigration: “Sadly, the taco bowl, perfectly adequate as it was, is not good enough to prevent Trump from deporting millions of Hispanics.”
In response to Vanity Fair's review, Trump fired off this tweet Thursday morning: "Has anyone looked at the really poor numbers of @VanityFair Magazine. Way down, big trouble, dead! [Editor-in-chief] Graydon Carter, no talent, will be out!"
Has anyone looked at the really poor numbers of @VanityFair Magazine. Way down, big trouble, dead! Graydon Carter, no talent, will be out!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 15, 2016
Read the full review here.
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