Everything Cheryl Burke Has Said About Her Sobriety Journey: ‘I’m Walking on a Really Tight Rope’

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Everything Cheryl Burke Has Said About Her Sobriety Journey: ‘I’m Walking on a Really Tight Rope’

The long and winding road. Cheryl Burke has been vocal about her highs and lows while dealing with her sobriety, beginning in 2018 when she quit drinking. The Dancing With the Stars pro revealed she was two years sober in September 2020, pointing to big life changes, including her engagement to Matthew Lawrence and her father’s death as the catalyst for change. The same year, Burke was partnered with AJ McLean, whose own journey to sobriety has lasted nearly 20 years, on Dancing With the Stars. The Backstreet Boys musician opened up about his partner’s approach to getting clean in an exclusive blog for Us Weekly in October 2020. “She is a very, very interesting human being. She has been through a lot in her life and has come out the other side gleaming,” he wrote. “Her sobriety is amazing to me, especially in this business that we’re both in, it’s difficult. It’s difficult to get sober, No. 1. It’s even more difficult to stay sober and hats off to her for staying sober for now over two years. I see her staying sober, hopefully, for the rest of her life. It’s a one day at a time thing, or as she says, one step at a time.” [sendtonews type="float" key="KfW3E3QLNd-2838866-14453"] Eight months later, Burke got real about her struggle with staying sober during an episode of her and McLean’s “Pretty Messed Up” podcast. She explained during the June 2021 episode that she’s felt like drinking “a lot lately.” The former Dancing With the Stars: Junior mentor told her cohost and their friend Rene Elizondo Jr. that she’s become “codependent” on the men and their openness. “I look forward to these conversations of sobriety, of AJ talking about your ups and downs in life, if it’s been rough at times, and you Rene, being that voice of God,” she said. “For some reason, I was thinking, ‘What if this was all over one day?’ And I had so much anxiety.” Burke noted that her “only real sober friends that are in [an AA] program,” admitting that she “starts to question” her commitment to sobriety when she’s not around them. She eventually asked Elizondo Jr. to be her sponsor, taking another step toward staying accountable for her actions. The dancer also explained why she chose to talk about her fears of relapsing on air, revealing, “I have to say it, otherwise I will drink.” Us confirmed in February 2022 that Burke filed for divorce from Lawrence after nearly three years of marriage. The DWTS pro listed their date of separation as early January 2022, according to court docs. Scroll down to see everything Burke has said about her sobriety journey: [podcast_block]

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2 Years Sober

The professional dancer revealed in September 2020 that she is “two years” sober, cutting out alcohol in 2018 after getting engaged to the Boy Meets World alum. “It was just a decision that I made for myself,” she said on the “Lady Gang” podcast. “And it was when Matt and I got engaged and it was during that engagement party that we were just like — or that I was like, he didn’t even know — I was just like, I was done.”

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Family Trait

“My father passed away — and then my dad was an alcoholic — so either I was gonna crash and burn and check myself into rehab or I was gonna just quit cold turkey,” Burke told the “Lady Gang” cohosts in September 2020. “That’s just my personality. It’s either black or white.”

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Why She Stopped

“My father had passed away during that time. It was almost like a promise to myself. I was engaged and was about to get married. For me, my dad was a former alcoholic, so it was either, I was going to crash and burn, or I was going to stop cold turkey,” Burke told Extra’s Rachel Lindsay in September 2020 of her choice to get sober. “It became, like, an everyday thing, me drinking. I needed to show myself, I guess, that this was not something that I depended on. It wasn’t a hard thing for me to do, also my body just wasn’t reacting well to it at all. Probably more like a self-conscious thing than anything else.”

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Someone to Lean On

The Dance Moms alum credited her husband, therapy and daily meditation as keys to her successfully staying sober over the years. “He is just my rock. I don’t know where I would be without him,” she said on Good Morning America in October 2020 of Lawrence. “When you make a decision, a big decision, a life-altering decision, your friends will change. And, you know, some people will support it. Some people won’t. And at the end of the day, you have to be OK with this.”

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Drinking on the Job

The Dancing With the Stars pro reflected on a season 10 incident in 2010 as one of the bigger turning points for her addiction. “One season I danced with Chad ‘OchoCinco’ [Johnson]. There was something in my head and I had never experienced it before,” she recalled during an October 2020 episode of her “Pretty Messed Up” podcast. “I wasn’t drunk, I wasn’t hungover, but it was still when I was drinking. I remember messing up on my choreography. It was this crazy voice in my head saying, ‘Go the other way, go the other way.’ I butchered my routine when I’m supposed to be there for the celebrity.”

Following that “traumatic” experience, Burke revealed that she “drank way more” because she was “scared of that voice” in her head. “I was self-sabotaging and from then on, I felt like my career plummeted down,” she explained. “I would have to drink before I saw anybody. I would never start [drinking] with everybody — I would start by myself at home.”

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Dancing With Addiction

The California native has spoken about her Dancing With the Stars partnership with McLean on multiple occasions, including how their bond has helped her through her sober journey. “We’re definitely both addicts and just trying to be the best version of ourselves we can be,” she admitted during a November 2020 show package, turning to the boy bander.

Two months prior, Burke exclusively told Us that the pair’s rehearsals often turn into “therapy talks” in the ballroom. “I always believe that people come into your lives because it’s either a reflection of who you are or who you want to be or who you’re trying not to be,” she said at the time. “But there’s always this reason. There’s a reason for this energy and energy coming together. … AJ is just a reflection of who I am at times, which is someone who tries to control the situation. I’m seeing him and I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, this is what I do!'”

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Social Drinking

“I don’t think I ever drank socially,” Burke told her “Pretty Messed Up” podcast cohosts during a December 2020 episode. “I drank for a reaction, which was to numb myself and to be more social. It was never just to have one cocktail. I don’t think I’ve ever had that. It was every day for me. When people drink waters, that was my vodka sodas, actually.”

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Vacation Temptation

The dance teacher opened up in June 2021 about a recent shake in her confidence when it came to staying sober, telling her podcast listeners that while on vacation with Lawrence in Hawaii she almost drank. She explained that room service sent a bottle of champagne up to the couple’s room because they didn’t know she didn’t drink and after her husband took a few sips, she admitted, “never have I ever been triggered in the last two and a half years until that day.”

Burke revealed that the “same thing” happened when she went to friend’s birthday. She noted that she even told her sister at the time, “I’m two seconds away [from drinking].” The DWTS pro explained that she “can’t just have one” drink and “might as well just go into this rabbit hole for a couple of weeks,” where no one will find her. She added: “I have a lot of personal stuff going on right now at the moment, and so it’s been very … I feel like I’m walking on a really tight rope at the moment. Therapy’s not working right now.”

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Help From Her Friends

Burke revealed in July 2021 that she had attended her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting after consulting with her podcast cohosts, McLean and Elizondo Jr. "The thought of having to be with a new group of strangers in a way really ate me alive," she said during an interview with Good Morning America. "I deal with a lot of social anxiety, but I realized that I needed to be able to hear other people's stories, other people who struggle with alcoholism and addiction."

She also admitted that she previously drank before interviews and red carpet appearances, but has since turned to meditation practice to help her get ready for public events. "Normally I would drink before any major red carpet event or anything to do with any type of public speaking or appearances," she said. "I would drink before an interview like this." Asked what she did before her GMA interview, Burke replied, "Just put more makeup on my face. Played with my hair. I meditated actually right before as well. I just have to breathe and know that everything's gonna be OK."

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Dancing Fears

Burke revealed how her sobriety tied to her season 30 DWTS nerves during an Instagram video in September 2021. “Of course, I’m nervous. Of course, I have my thoughts getting the best of me. I am nervous. I am feeling insecure, and I am scared. I want you to know, since being sober this has been really scary for me,” she said. “This whole process — I am so clear headed. I am really, honestly grateful for this opportunity. But to say that I don’t have these insecurities, [or] my body dysmorphia [or] my feeling of wanting to throw up or finding the nearest exit [that] is definitely a lie.”

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Support System

After marking three years of sobriety, Burke wrote an essay exclusively for Us, explaining how "being public about my struggle made me hold myself accountable." She noted in September 2021, "It's been really powerful – when I started sharing more, the [COVID-19] pandemic was in full force, and a lot of people were falling down that dark hole. ... The response from fans and people who have come across our podcast and my YouTube channel has been uplifting. It makes me want to read comments, which I've usually avoided. I love hearing other people's stories. The best way to learn is by listening to other people's stories, and realizing you are not alone."

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Facing Fears

Burke admitted that sharing her journey has been "scary," especially as DWTS prepared to kick off its 30th season. "It's been interesting for me to actually feel the feelings that are happening," she told Entertainment Tonight of performing while sober. "It's almost been a whole new experience, in a good way."

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How Bad It Got

"I made promises to myself I would never drink alone, then that started to go away," Burke said during an October 2021 interview with Elizabeth Vargas. "Or I wouldn't drink before 5 p.m., no drinking on weekdays. It just never stopped. It became so that my tolerance was just nothing got me drunk. I was a functioning drunk for sure."

She also further detailed the feelings she was experiencing earlier in the year that made her feel like drinking again. "[It's] that question mark of just, 'How long can I live as a dancer?'" she said, noting that her 37th birthday had been a trigger. "Let's be real here, a lot of women in their early 30s retire. This is not a sport that you could last forever, and especially as a woman. And nor do I want to be that person who looks old grandma over here barely kicking her leg up."

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Too Clear-Headed

Following a November 2021 episode of DWTS, Burke told Us and other reporters that she feels more insecure while sober.

"My journey of sobriety has really opened my eyes up and I am now clear-headed almost to a fault because now my thoughts are louder than ever," she shared at the time. "That's honestly the reason why I used to drink. So now ... it's kind of like I'm reliving the same experience but in a different way. I'm very present. I think that has brought up a lot of insecurities and having to deal with those issues — whether it be for the choreography or maybe it's something that has triggered something from the past, who knows?"

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3 Years Sober

During an appearance on The Kelly Clarkson Show, Burke reflected on the lessons she learned about herself since getting sober.

"When I was drinking, I kind of used that as a numbing device," she explained in January 2022. "For me, dancing was my way of expressing my emotion without talking. So when I stopped drinking, I realized that I have social anxiety. It was just this whole thing of numbing my feelings and not wanting to really go out there in the world like that."

Burke continued: "Like I love doing my art but then having to talk or whatever, it was really nerve-racking. I used drinking as something for me to be more outgoing and I thought it would maybe give me confidence. But it just did the opposite."

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On Her Mind

“Last week I said I wasn’t OK. This week, I’m still pissed but I know that this whole issue that we’re going through right now is going to be a long process,” Burke said during an August 2022 episode of her “Burke in the Game” podcast. “And I just can’t let it ruin my life because it is what it is, and right now, it’s out of my control. So right now I'm trying to practice what I preach and I'm trying to just take it day by day, hour by hour.”

The TV personality noted that there have been ups and downs amid her sober journey recently. “Speaking of, I don’t wanna say that I’ve been feeling like drinking again lately. But it’s definitely been on my mind a lot more than normal,” she revealed, explaining that after speaking with her therapist she realized that she hasn’t been active enough in her own program.

While Burke admitted she was struggling to complete step four of the program at the time — which is taking a moral inventory of one’s self — she was happy that she was removing herself from potentially harmful situations. “I noticed that after dinner, that people want to go out afterwards,” the dancer said, adding that when 10:30 p.m. hits she chooses to go home. “I think I'm best just to drop people off as the designated driver and go on my merry way. Because I am triggered by people who have more than maybe a couple drinks around me, especially late at night.”

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‘Looking Through a Glass Box’

Burke reflected on her sobriety journey in a heartfelt Instagram post in October 2022, confessing, "I've spent most of my life looking through a glass box that was and still is a part of my life at times. Especially when I'm not consciously aware.”

She explained: “However, this wasn't always a bad thing — it kept me alive and safe in times of desperate need but I've come to realize that continuing to put myself in that box only brought more loneliness, pain and fear."

The athlete recalled using her addiction to numb her fears, but explained that since becoming sober, she has learned to lean into the fear. "Four years ago when I decided to stop drinking, I'm realizing I'm left with peeling back layers, which has ultimately made me get closer to the core of my being, my authentic self," she continued. "What comes with choosing this path though, is that I'm living with fears I've never felt before, fears I'm completely foreign to, that I never knew I had, and that I never wanted to face."

Burke revealed that “today I can say I'm no longer pushing those fears away or running from them,” adding, “Instead, I'm going to invite them in and take action so I can stop facing the world with fear and start embracing what makes me uniquely me."

While she admitted she will “always be a work in progress,” she is going to keep “choosing to share” the ups and downs with her followers in case “one person who may feel alone in their life can know that they are not alone.”

The DWTS champ concluded: "I'm grateful for this work. I'm grateful I've been pushed to staying curious about this work and I'm grateful for striving for better instead of bitter. I’m proud of the woman I am today and of the woman I want to become.”

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4 Years Sober

Burke penned an essay for Us in October 2022.

 “I have been sober for four years, and to say my life has been a roller-coaster during that time frame would be a major understatement. My journey with sobriety began the night of my engagement party in 2018. I had recently lost my father, who was also an alcoholic, and that time of my life was a huge turning point in so many ways,” she wrote in part. “If I am being completely honest, I did not decide to quit that day because of some defining realization that if I kept drinking, I would crash and burn (although, looking back, I know that would have definitely been the case). Instead, I mainly stopped for vanity reasons, at least initially. When I returned from burying my father in Thailand, every time I had a drink, I would turn red and break out in hives, which scared me because I had never had a reaction like that before. It was like my body was rejecting the poison I so desperately wanted to use to numb. So, the night of that party, after trying just one drink, I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and I quit — cold turkey. That’s very much my personality, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl. I didn’t tell anyone at first. I think I was afraid the pressure of other people knowing would lead to me self-sabotaging and my reason for quitting felt shallow. I know now that doesn’t really matter though, shallow or not, I stopped, and that vanity probably saved my life.”