Our ears are burning! MTV's leading ladies talked sex during the Monday, May, 16 episode of Teen Mom 2, and by that we mean Chelsea Houska used the euphemism "ding-dong," and Kailyn Lowry chatted about sending her husband nudes. #HALP. Meanwhile, Leah Messer dealt with yet another custody blow, and Jenelle Evans' boyfriend called the police on her mom. So in other words, just another normal week on this totally non-dramatic, low-key show.
50 Shades of Chelsea
Damn, Chelsea — back at it again with the sex jokes! Teen Mom 2's resident lady in love went to a concert with her fiancé, Cole DeBoer, and not only did she refer to his man-parts as a "ding-dong," Chels told Cole that she was going to ask musician Jason Aldean to "sign my vag." You're welcome, Jason!
In less NSFW news, Chelsea found out that her daughter, Aubree Lind, needed glasses, and the poor thing had a total meltdown over getting eyedrops put in. Which, to be fair, completely sucks.
Jenelle's Boyfriend Accuses Barbara of Child Abuse
Same ol' drama! Jenelle was super peeved at her mom, Barbara Evans, for withholding Jace, and her boyfriend was majorly unimpressed. "She never wants you to see him, she doesn't want you to keep him on holidays," David Eason drawled. "That ain't right. She's trying to keep your own child from you."
While Jenelle's frustration was understandable, it's easy to see where Barbara was coming from considering Jace had this to say about his mom's house: "We just sit there all day … We just watch videos, that's it. Mommy want to sleep all day … It's spooky."
Speaking of things being terrifying, Barbara ended up getting into a screaming fight with David after she picked Jace up. "You locked the damn door!" Barbara screamed at David, while Jenelle hid out in the bedroom. "Call the police! You live here, and she pays all the bills like every other guy!"
David's reaction? To accuse Barbara of screaming-related "child abuse" and call the police on her. Meanwhile, she yelled that she was going to charge him with "assault." So yes, everyone's getting along super well!
Kailyn Talks Masturbation
In a truly sweet moment, Javi Marroquin arranged for Kailyn and her besties to go out to dinner and get their drank on (from overseas, no less!), and naturally the conversation turned to Kailyn's sex life — or lack thereof.
"I'm fine — that's what toys are for," she mused before complaining about her shower head. "I'm just pissed it doesn't come off. Javi asked me to send him naked pictures all the time. But I won't because it's too risky. What if I send it to the wrong person?" Ugh, #life, right?
Meanwhile, poor Javi was having a hard time during deployment, and was visibly upset while FaceTiming with Kailyn. "I can't go anywhere," he said. "I don't have anything here. I have my room. I eat, and I sleep to wake up again. It's just hard."
Speaking of hard, Kailyn also said her son, Isaac, was having a difficult time with his stepdad being away. "I hear Isaac crying, and he's talking to Javi," she told friends. "Like, 'I miss you, Daddy — I just miss you.'"
Corey Takes Leah Back to Court
Remember last week when Leah and Corey Simms agreed to split custody, and they had a cheerful conversation in some random parking lot? Yeah, well — everything is terrible again. Apparently, Leah's lawyer listed the young mom and Corey as "joint custodians," which was not cool with Corey's lawyer. You know what that means! More court.
"If the judge says Leah's primary custodian, [I] hope she makes some right decisions, and she don't end up in jail for truancy or something stupid like that," Corey said.
Meanwhile, Leah was fuming over how Corey's actions were affecting their children: "To do what he's done to my kids? I don't care if he takes another breath … All I can do is fight against it. That's all I can do."
Dang, Leah, tell Us what you really think.
Tell Us: Do you think Leah should be primary custodian?
Teen Mom 2 airs on MTV Mondays at 10 p.m. ET.
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