There’s a new YouTuber in town and he’s serving some blisteringly funny beauty tutorials. This newcomer: none other than the host of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Mr. Stephen Colbert! The funnyman kicked off his monologue this week mocking President Trump’s most recent appearance at a rally — and his, uh, more luminous tan.
After likening Trump’s face bike reflector, Colbert points out that, “Shimmer highlighter is hot right now, but you’re not supposed to look like C-3PO crossed with a glazed ham.” Also, the comedian questions Trump using the heat as an excuse for his decidedly more shimmery tan, saying “It was a thousand degrees in New York this weekend and I didn’t come home looking like the dead girl from Goldfinger.”
But, it turns out that Colbert knows a thing or two about makeup, debuting his own channel to teach people how to get the look.
Behold, the Shin Shimmery Presidential Highlights Tutorial for his channel “Stephen on the Floor.” On deck, a vid that teaches you how to get a shimmery, easy look that Colbert says can “take you from golf to the rally.”
Step one according to the iconic comedian: take out your goggles (he prefers Speedo HydroSpecks) and put them on as tightly as possible. Why? “Because you want as much suction as possible to create that presidential puffiness.” Then, put on a thick and impenetrable layer of bronzer with your hands — and be sure to use a dollop that is the equivalent of a month’s worth of product. Oh, and like a good YouTube pro, he knows to hold up the products to the camera with his hand placed behind them to get them in focus.
Some application tips once you slather: don’t worry about your ears, neck or hairline. Then, apply your highlighter (or, as Colbert jokes, you could also use crushed up Christmas ornaments). He explains, “a lot goes a very long way and you shouldn’t be afraid to define your upper lip.”
To blend the look, Colbert employs Oscar Mayer Bologna because “the rendered fat seals in your highlight so that your look holds up to a sweaty, panicked denial of guilt.”
The key to the whole bronzed look, he says, is to wait until you get to the stage to take off your goggles so that you have the sharpest raccoon eyes that leave you #RallyReady. Then like a good YouTuber, he asks everyone to like and subscribe for more makeup fun.
Watch the whole tutorial here!
