Amber Portwood just wants to feel “normal” again. In a sneak peek of Monday’s upcoming Teen Mom OG episode, the reality star opens up about her “mommy makeover” and battling depression.

“I have my pre-op consultation for my mommy makeover,” Portwood tells her fiancé, Matt Baier, and producer Kerthy in the clip, before explaining why she’s going under the knife. “I don’t want to get into detail on everything, but [I want to] just simply shape my body back to where it was and feel better about myself.”

Portwood, who is the mom of daughter Leah, 8, with ex Gary Shirley, explained that her “biggest problem” when it came to dieting was she would “lose 40 pounds, gain 40 pounds, lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds, and it really messed with [her] body.”

She has also documented her attempts at losing weight on the show. Portwood visited a nutritionist who gave her shakes and bars to eat as meal replacements.

The MTV star, 26, revealed her new look last month via Instagram. After informing fans that she looked “the same just [with] a tighter body,” the Never Too Late author posted a photo of herself channeling Marilyn Monroe with bold makeup and a blonde bob. She later clapped back at haters who criticized her boobs, telling them to “shut the f--k up” and stop following her account.

“Being on TV doesn’t help, but that’s not necessarily why I’m doing what I’m doing,” Portwood adds in the sneak peek, before becoming emotional. “This is really for me to make me feel better because it’s a big part of my depression and stuff.”

Watch the clip above for more from Portwood, including how her bipolar and depression medication is impacting her life.

Teen Mom OG airs Mondays on MTV at 9 p.m. ET.

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