Rachel Lindsay’s ‘Miss Me With That’ Book Addresses Peter Kraus, Raven Gates, Chris Harrison and More: Biggest Bachelor Nation Revelations

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Rachel Lindsay’s ‘Miss Me With That’ Book Addresses Peter Kraus, Raven Gates, Chris Harrison and More: Biggest Bachelor Nation Revelations

Going back before she moves forward for good. Rachel Lindsay gets candid about her time as the Bachelorette in her new book, Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, and a Few Hard Truths. “I wanted to write the book because my life has changed so much, and so much of what I was doing was dictated by fear,” Lindsay told the University of Texas at Austin’s The Alcalde magazine earlier this month, describing the book as writing to herself in her 20s. “And being treated as the country’s most eligible Bachelorette — there’s a level of perfection that’s attached to you. And we are so far from that. So, I almost wanted to break myself down from that image.” Bachelor Nation met the Texas-based attorney on season 21 of The Bachelor. She was named the season 13 Bachelorette — and the first Black Bachelorette — while Nick Viall’s season of the ABC series was still airing in 2017. Lindsay knows some readers are going to pick up Miss Me With That solely for Bachelor information. However, she warns in the first essay: “When I share anything about the show that I haven’t disclosed before (and we can all agree I have had tons to say), my intention isn’t to spill the tea. … Just understand that my intention is not to gossip about or hurt your favorites. If anything, I expose no one more than myself.” Still, there is plenty to unpack from behind-the-scenes nuggets about production — she and Viall filmed their first kiss more than once — and a breakdown of her connections with her Bachelorette finalists: winner (and now-husband) Bryan Abasolo, runner-up Peter Kraus and second runner-up Eric Bigger. [jwplayer FcCqCzF4-zhNYySv2] She told the Alcalde, however, that her favorite essay tackles mental health. "And it's probably my favorite in the book because I talk about how I got into therapy and why. It's interesting in the journey I go through, and the stigma in the community when it comes to Black people … you're supposed to pray your problems away,” she said. “I struggled with religion versus therapy, but that is what has kept me grounded. That is what's kept me sane. Meditating, yoga, just taking a break." Lindsay wrote about how she insisted she saw a therapist throughout her time on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette despite passing the psychological evaluation. “The show doesn’t like contestants going to therapy. (Save those emotional outbursts for the camera, please and thank you),” she wrote. “The producers prefer to have complete control over your actions and access to your conversations, but they cannot mic you during a session because they are required to honor privacy.” Miss Me With That is available now. Scroll through for the biggest revelations about Bachelor Nation:

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Rachel Lindsay’s ‘Miss Me With That’ Book Addresses Peter Kraus, Raven Gates, Chris Harrison and More: Biggest Bachelor Nation Revelations

Going back before she moves forward for good. Rachel Lindsay gets candid about her time as the Bachelorette in her new book, Miss Me With That: Hot Takes, Helpful Tidbits, and a Few Hard Truths. “I wanted to write the book because my life has changed so much, and so much of what I was doing was dictated by fear,” Lindsay told the University of Texas at Austin’s The Alcalde magazine earlier this month, describing the book as writing to herself in her 20s. “And being treated as the country’s most eligible Bachelorette — there’s a level of perfection that’s attached to you. And we are so far from that. So, I almost wanted to break myself down from that image.” Bachelor Nation met the Texas-based attorney on season 21 of The Bachelor. She was named the season 13 Bachelorette — and the first Black Bachelorette — while Nick Viall’s season of the ABC series was still airing in 2017. Lindsay knows some readers are going to pick up Miss Me With That solely for Bachelor information. However, she warns in the first essay: “When I share anything about the show that I haven’t disclosed before (and we can all agree I have had tons to say), my intention isn’t to spill the tea. … Just understand that my intention is not to gossip about or hurt your favorites. If anything, I expose no one more than myself.” Still, there is plenty to unpack from behind-the-scenes nuggets about production — she and Viall filmed their first kiss more than once — and a breakdown of her connections with her Bachelorette finalists: winner (and now-husband) Bryan Abasolo, runner-up Peter Kraus and second runner-up Eric Bigger. [jwplayer FcCqCzF4-zhNYySv2] She told the Alcalde, however, that her favorite essay tackles mental health. "And it's probably my favorite in the book because I talk about how I got into therapy and why. It's interesting in the journey I go through, and the stigma in the community when it comes to Black people … you're supposed to pray your problems away,” she said. “I struggled with religion versus therapy, but that is what has kept me grounded. That is what's kept me sane. Meditating, yoga, just taking a break." Lindsay wrote about how she insisted she saw a therapist throughout her time on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette despite passing the psychological evaluation. “The show doesn’t like contestants going to therapy. (Save those emotional outbursts for the camera, please and thank you),” she wrote. “The producers prefer to have complete control over your actions and access to your conversations, but they cannot mic you during a session because they are required to honor privacy.” Miss Me With That is available now. Scroll through for the biggest revelations about Bachelor Nation:

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Signs She Would Be the Bachelorette

Looking back, Lindsay believes that the franchise was planning her potential future on the show as early as her audition for The Bachelor, writing about receiving style assistance from a casting director before the L.A. round of tryouts, something she now knows isn’t normal. After having a candid conversation about the lack of Black people in the franchise with producers, Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss came in to meet Lindsay, another abnormal part of her audition process.

During production on season 21, Lindsay was able to use her handler’s phone to call her parents to check on her dog. When her mom brought up rumblings online that she was already in consideration to be the next lead, her handler “immediately grabbed the phone from my hand [and] took the phone off speaker and put it to her ear. ‘You cannot talk about that,’ she told my mom.”

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Connecting With Nick Viall

Lindsay recalled having an effortless conversation with Viall on night one and being surprised she received the first impression rose, a concept she wasn’t even familiar with since she wasn’t a fan of the show. She also admitted that her fellow contestants “sensed from the start” that Vanessa Grimaldi was Viall’s front-runner.  

“As strong as our physical attraction was, he never looked at me the way he did her,” Lindsay wrote. “When he and I were together, he gave me his full attention, but anytime Vanessa was present, she had his focus."

Lindsay revealed that the week of their fantasy suite date was the week of the 2016 Presidential Election. She watched Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton from her hotel room in Finland the night before her overnight date. When she brought up the election to Viall, she recalled producers “instructed” them to move on with the date. After confessing that she was falling in love with him, she wrote that producers wrapped the shoot and the twosome played music, drank, danced and ate before she fell asleep.

“Before I conked out, [Nick] gave me some Tylenol and tucked me into bed,” she wrote. “I began Fantasy Suite Week confident that I was the runner-up only to ruin the opportunity.”

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Unseen Feud With Vanessa Grimaldi

Both Lindsay and Grimaldi have hinted in the past that they had issues during filming, but their feud never aired. “Because my relationship with Nick posed a threat to hers, Vanessa had been complaining about me,” Lindsay wrote, claiming that Grimaldi accused Lindsay of “bullying” her during a confrontation organized by producers. “I believed that if my conversation with Vanessa aired unedited, the Bachelor audience would recognize that I was not a bully, but a producer made it clear that they would turn on me."

Years later, Grimaldi called Lindsay and apologized.

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What Happened With Raven Gates

Lindsay wrote about how “beautifully surprised” she was by the friendships she made on season 21 but noted what aired didn't “do our camaraderie justice.” She claimed that “producers organize” many of the chats among the women, “gathering contestants who they believe will provide the right reasons to specific questions to shape their desired narrative.”  

Gates was one of the contestants Lindsay bonded with during filming — the duo even exchanged notes through producers after Lindsay learned she was going home before the final week — but the pair have since had an infamous falling out. As she’s stated in interviews before, Lindsay promised Gates that she would never publicly share why they ended their friendship.

“Other than to say I found myself in a situation where I felt the need to protect and remove myself, these are the only details I’m going to provide,” she wrote.

One new development, however, is Lindsay’s claims about one of her first interactions with Gates. During their time on season 21, Lindsay wrote that Gates kept a journal and she read aloud her first impressions of the group. “‘Rachel — she has Black skin.’ What the f—k? Who says that s—t? Not only do you think it, but you actually say it out loud for people to hear? ‘And she seems nice,’” Lindsay wrote, adding that she gave Gates the benefit of the doubt because she’s from Arkansas.

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Drama With Lee Garrett and Kenny King

It didn’t take long for Garrett to emerge as a villain in the mansion, but what Lindsay didn’t know during production was the offensive and racist tweets that were discovered while the show was airing. “Never in my wildest dreams did I foresee the franchise casting a racist on my season,” she wrote.

In the same essay, Lindsay opened up about her connection with King, but explained how “things went off track when Kenny allowed Lee to get under his skin.” She claimed producers wouldn’t allow her to confront the two men during a heated argument. She also noted that she “didn’t give a f—k about Lee” but producers “insisted that he stay” and made her take both contestants on a 2-on-1 date.

“I cried because I was imagining how later the Black contestants I sent home early would watch Lee go at it with Eric and Kenny and think to themselves, ‘Why did Rachel let him stay week after week but eliminate me?’” she wrote. Without naming names, Lindsay also wrote that producers “made” her give Lucas “Whaboom” Yancey a rose, referring to him as “the contestant with the annoying catchphrase I refuse to repeat.”

According to Lindsay, “the most egregious mistake” producers made on her season, however, was “choosing men who did not actually date Black women.” She explained that while she had a diverse cast, she felt several of the suitors, namely Will Gaskins, were not interested in dating a Black woman.

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Regretting Keeping Peter Kraus Over Eric Bigger

Lindsay revealed that she briefly met Bigger at the gym shortly before production began but she didn’t tell anyone because she didn’t want him to have a disadvantage. While she had feelings for Bigger, she also had concerns that he had never had a serious girlfriend and also questioned why he hadn’t dated many Black women in the past.

Lindsay wrote that her only regret as the Bachelorette was bringing Kraus to the final two instead of Bigger. “I already knew my choice was Bryan, and given the depths of Eric’s feeling, it felt wrong to have him stay,” she wrote. “If I had known, however, how obsessed the fandom was with Peter and how ugly their reactions to my not choosing him would be, I would have sent him home before Eric.” She added that she felt “more strongly” about Kraus than Bigger but felt Kraus “would be less hurt than Eric when I ultimately chose Bryan.”

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The Peter Kraus Of It All

Lindsay revealed she and Kraus had an unprecedented two hours away from the cameras on the way to the airport for their first 1-on-1 date and the twosome bonded. She also recalled him getting out of the car to give a homeless person his lunch with no cameras involved and even unaware that Lindsay was watching him. While it would be some time before Kraus got another 1-on-1 date, she explained that he stayed on her radar via letters and gifts, including a painting that the other men mocked him for, per Abasolo.

During their second one-on-one date, Kraus opened up about his ex-girlfriend, but Lindsay wrote that the story “did not sit well” with her as she felt he abandoned his then-girlfriend after agreeing to move from Wisconsin to Los Angeles for their romance. “‘I’m getting the feeling from his stories that Peter doesn’t know who he is or what he wants,’ I told my producers,” Lindsay wrote, adding that watching the show back and seeing Kraus’ interviews and conversation with his mother, she felt like he was “a master of telling people exactly what they wanted to hear.”

Lindsay claimed that during their overnight date, she asked Kraus whether he would be the Bachelor if she chose someone else. While he initially said — per Lindsay — “I don’t know if it’s for me,” he followed that up with, “Like, they’d have to pay me a half-million dollars.”

While she wrote that her “heart sank,” the chat only confirmed her decision to choose Abasolo. Bachelor Nation, however, may remember that the public perception at the time of the finale was that Lindsay settled for Abasolo after Kraus wouldn't commit to an engagement. 

“Viewers mistook my strong emotions in that last conversation, thinking Peter was whom I truly wanted and would have chose had he just agreed to propose to me,” she said. Lindsay wrote that the “wellspring of emotion came from a powerful realization” that her relationship with Kraus was reminiscent of her past with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Ed. She added that when she rewatches her breakup with Kraus, “I recognized flashes of unhealthy patterns in my own behavior,” explaining that she was more used to the “the emotional tug-of-war” than her healthy relationship with Abasolo.

According to Lindsay, a producer also told her — after she made it clear that she was picking Abasolo — that Kraus was “asking lots of questions about what happened next” after the show wrapped, wondering whether he could go on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and many other questions “about the notoriety that came after the show.”

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Telling Bryan Abasolo She Loves Him

Lindsay wrote about her immediate attraction to Abasolo and concerns that he was too good to be true — a worry that was eased when her favorite producer from Viall’s season assured her that he was the real deal and expressed a lot of interest in Lindsay off camera. Lindsay revealed that she knew she was going to pick him after the four hometown dates. While writing about the Miami native meeting her family for the first time, however, Lindsay was upset when her relatives brought up an old insurance fraud case filed against him. She wrote that she prepared for the confrontation because she feared her family would bring it up and she “had no doubts about Bryan’s innocence in the matter.”

She recalled asking Abasolo the same question that she asked Kraus about whether he would be the Bachelor. After questioning why she even asked, Abasolo replied, “I’m not thinking about that” before asking Lindsay if she loved him. When she responded that she was “falling in love,” he asked again. Lindsay subsequently told Abasolo that she was ”truly in love” with him — off camera, during their overnight date.

Lindsay has been open in the past about how disappointed she was with how her finale was edited as there was more focus on her split from Kraus than her proposal. She wrote that she wishes viewers saw her confessional after accepting a ring from Abasolo in which she said, “I can’t believe this is happening for me. This is such a beautiful moment. I’m really getting my fairy tale ending. … I can’t believe this amazing man loves me.”

The twosome exchanged vows in August 2019. She noted that the franchise “never offered to pay for our wedding or the rights to televise it.”

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Exiting Bachelor Nation

Fans know that Lindsay continued to be associated with the franchise after her 2017 finale, making appearances on specials and cohosting Warner Bros. “Bachelor Happy Hour” podcast. She recalled being upset with the show based on how they handled Becca Kufrin’s winner, Garrett Yrigoyen, “liking” offensive tweets about Parkland shooting survivors, immigrants and more in 2018. (She described Yrigoyen, who apologized at the time, as “racist, homophobic, xenophobic, transphobic, misogynistic [and] sexist.” Kufrin and Yrigoyen split shortly after he came under fire in June 2020 for his support of police amid the Black Lives Matter movement.)

“On the finale of Becca’s season, they discussed the matter for less than five minutes. Whereas Lee’s tweets were projected for the audience and dissected by the other contestants, Chris [Harrison] never challenged Garrett to clarify his views,” she wrote. “The franchise skirted the matter to preserve Becca’s happy ending. Meanwhile, as a Black woman, I had no such luxury.”

Lindsay also felt the responsibility fell on her and her contestants to “confront Lee” instead of Harrison, something she remains “unsettled” about.

The book also touches on Lindsay’s February 2021 interview with Harrison for Extra during which he asked for “grace,” “understanding” and “compassion” for Rachael Kirkconnell, a front-runner on Matt James’ season who had come under fire for past photos at an Old South-themed party on a plantation in college. The aftermath of the interview ultimately led to Harrison’s exit from the franchise and tons of social media backlash for Lindsay.

“Not once did Chris Harrison, who publicly called me his friend, check in on me during these attacks. Well, not until after I accepted his apology. Then I got an invitation to dinner,” she wrote.

She concluded: “I gave this franchise my all and I don’t regret being its first Black lead. Nor do I pretend that I never made a bad decision on this journey. ... I navigated the process using skills and lessons I’d acquired long before I walked into the audition.”  

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Hannah Brown’s N-Word Scandal

After the season 15 Bachelorette was caught singing the N-word on Instagram Live in May 2020, Lindsay reached out with a Bible verse. The two women initially connected as Brown called her crying. Lindsay subsequently offered to go on Instagram Live with Brown to “explain the weight and history of this word and why it is so detrimental to the Black community.” The former Miss Alabama seemed on board with the idea but wanted to check with her team, who instructed her to just put out an apology statement. According to Lindsay, Brown told her that she didn’t feel like a statement was enough, but she went with her PR team’s advice anyway. “Then Hannah herself disappeared for two weeks because when you have white privilege you can do that,” Lindsay wrote.