Dylan Brown broke his silence on his and Sarah Herron‘s son Oliver’s death.
The filmmaker took to Instagram on Monday, February 27, to reflect on his grieving process nearly one month after the little one’s passing.
“I debated for a VERY long time whether or not I wanted to share the loss of Oliver on Instagram. And it’s come to this: I live two lives – my real life, and my Instagram life,” he wrote alongside a photo of him and Herron with their late child. “This dichotomy is interesting because although I have grieved and found a way to tolerate this loss in my ‘real’ life, I have been stuck in place in my Instagram life.”
Brown, who got engaged to the Bachelor in Paradise alum, 36, in 2021, noted that he felt “stuck” when it came to addressing his loss on social media.
“I’ve felt this dread of sharing a loss no parent should have to endure. And it’s ironic because in the ‘real life’ I felt we have faced the grief head on. We had to… we couldn’t put it off and share it in a neat little package,” he continued. “It was messy and it ripped us apart. But we found a way to share with our families, our friends and those who politely asked what happened.”
In the lengthy post, Brown said he and Herron will be “unpacking” their pain “for years” to come, adding, “Most likely for the rest of our lives – but we were strong for each other, for Oliver, and through Love, found a way through it. Knowing Oliver is gone is painful, but the loss of a dream was the real stinger, still is.”
He continued: “The what-could-have-beens have torn me apart: The places we would have gone, the activities we would have shared, the food loved and hated… And ultimately the Love shared. This loss is the true gut wrencher.”
Brown concluded by discussing his last moments with Oliver. “He came out beautiful, far too beautiful. He had Sarah’s nose, her eyelids and my chin. We held him skin to skin, giving him the only thing he would ever know in this life of ups and downs: Love,” he shared. “Sarah cried onto his little face, I kissed off those tears. He squirmed a little, nestled onto our chests, as only a child can. He poured his heart into us and ours into him. He came into this life feeling Love, protection and warmth. He would pass knowing only those things, the best of life’s offerings: Love. I feel comfort, knowing that. Knowing that he was the luckiest child alive, knowing that all he ever knew was Love.”
The emotional post comes nearly one month since Herron confirmed her newborn son’s death.
“He passed away in his dad’s arms shortly after [his birth],” she wrote via Instagram on February 1. “There are no words for the magnitude of loss and pain we’re experiencing. It’s beautiful and simultaneously tragic. He had my nose and his dad’s mouth and long fingers.”
At the time, the Colorado native said she was “grateful” for the time she spent with her baby boy.
“Oliver, our IVF miracle, defied so many odds and fought through so many hard milestones to be here, but the higher powers still had other plans for the three of us,” she added. “Oliver filled our home and hearts with so much love and most importantly, optimism. The stars aligned to create Baby Oliver with a deep, meaningful purpose bigger than we’ll ever understand. His body was small, but his legacy will always be larger than life to us.”
Herron concluded: “While our hearts are shattered beyond comprehension, we are comforted knowing that our son’s soul only ever knew love and will not suffer in a body that wasn’t built for this life. We’ll never understand the cruelty of it all, but through the darkness, Oliver remains so so bright. We love you so much, baby boy. You will never be replaced. You are so perfect and awesome.”