Nearly one week after Sarah Herron and fiancé Dylan Brown’s newborn son died at 24 weeks, the Bachelor alum is still coming to terms with her changing body.
“Postpartum after pregnancy loss is still postpartum. I hadn’t gotten to the chapters on perinatal care yet, or lactation support,” Herron, 36, wrote via Instagram on Saturday, February 4, adding a “trigger warning” to her post. “I jumped from second trimester to fourth trimester overnight. I didn’t know my milk was going to come in. Or that I would need my bathroom stocked with adult diapers, witch hazel and ice packs at 24 weeks pregnant.”
She continued: “Suddenly my days that should be spent sampling belly oils and rubbing my bump are spent taking a crash course in postpartum relief through streaming tears. I don’t want relief, I want my baby.”
The Bachelor in Paradise alum — who wore a postpartum adult diaper in her Saturday selfie — revealed on Wednesday, February 1, that the couple’s son had died prematurely.
“There are no words for the magnitude of loss and pain we’re experiencing. It’s beautiful and simultaneously tragic. He had my nose and his dad’s mouth and long fingers,” Herron wrote in an Instagram tribute at the time. “Oliver, our IVF miracle, defied so many odds and fought through so many hard milestones to be here, but the higher powers still had other plans for the three of us. Our time together was short, but we are grateful for the days we had with Oliver in my belly.”
The art director, who exclusively confirmed to Us Weekly in September 2022 that the engaged couple were expecting their first child, has since found it difficult to return home from the hospital without her son in her arms.
“Since coming home without Oliver, everything has been a haunting reminder of what was supposed to be, and what I now must face without him here,” she penned on Saturday. “There is simply no way to prepare yourself for the subtle inconveniences of pregnancy that can suddenly without warning, vanish. Like suddenly being able to zip your winter coat, or reach down to tie your shoes again. … And worst of all, catching your new reflection each day and no longer seeing a bump.”
She added: “The things that were ‘off limits’ during pregnancy are suddenly allowed again and it feels jarringly wrong. Even considering a turkey sandwich or a glass of wine (things I longed for during pregnancy) feels like deep abandonment of my baby. And the things I loved during pregnancy; like berries (so many berries!) feels like cheating. I never prepared for this, and no mother should have to.”
Herron — who got engaged to Brown in May 2021 — called her miscarriage the “second to saddest thing I’ve ever shared” with her loved ones and social media followers before offering a simple plea to others in similar situations.
“My wish is that if you have a friend who lets you in on her loss, show up to her bathroom with pads, diapers, and ice packs so that she doesn’t have to figure it out alone,” the Colorado native concluded. “Fill her fridge with broths, casseroles and beverage options so she doesn’t have to think about the mundane yet painful decisions in front of her.”
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