Watch out, Penélope Cruz! Derek Zoolander, the dim-witted model played by Ben Stiller, just fell in love with Cara Delevingne. In a series of hilarious promo images for Zoolander 2, the pair teamed up for a short-lived three-hour relationship while visiting Paris — and Zoolander documented the whole thing on Instagram!
Zoolander and Delevingne, 23, kicked off their relationship on Friday, January 29, by strutting their stuff in front of the Eiffel Tower.
“EXCLUSIVE: ‘Der-vigne’ are now a ‘thing,’” he wrote. “In the coming months and years, I’ll be live-gramming my relationship. She’s a beautiful girl, not just on the outside. But also on the side side. Like in profile.”
He added, “I just talked to Cara about maybe Eifel Towering later. Uhhhh… Eifel Tower much? #adorbs.”
After just 60 minutes, Zoolander fell hard for the model.
“Guys. About an hour in and it’s getting pretty real,” he wrote. “This girl Cara totally speaks to me. And then I speak back. And then she says something. Then I do. Then she says stuff again. so many words my head is spinning! I think I might be in love. Shhhh… #putaringonit?”
Then Stiller’s Zoolander 2 costar Cruz chimed in with an Instagram post of her own. She wrote, “We will talk about this, Derek,” with a pair of angry-face emojis.
The 'Der-vigne' then took their relationship to the next level as they became parents to an adorable dog. At this point, Zoolander decided to propose to his newfound love — but it didn’t go as planned.
“Guys. Did NOT go well,” he captioned a photo of Delevingne arguing with him. “Now she’s acting all, ‘we were never in a relationship’ and ‘why would I ever date you, ew’ and ‘Gross, dude, seriously, we are not in love so stop saying that.’ And I’m all ‘we ARE in love and your clinginess is starting to freak me out! I can’t be in another codependent realtionship! And PS! We have a DOG to raise together” and she’s all ‘You are seriously the stupidest man on the planet. like you have nothing in your head.’ I feel like she was trying to hurt me with the last remark, but last time I checked, my head IS full of something. A heart. Which is now broken.”
After a brief grieving process, Zoolander shared his final thoughts about Delevingne, calling her “negative” and “too old” for him, before writing, “See you soon, @penelopecruzoficial.”
Cruz, 41, responded, “I forgive you, Derek. I’m here waiting for you… I don’t forgive you, @caradelevingne.”
I forgive you, Derek. I'm here waiting for you . Behave yourself in Italy, please. ?. I don't forgive you @caradelevingne ?Te perdono, Derek. Estoy aquí esperándote. Por favor, compórtate en Italia. ?. No te perdono @caradelevingne ?#Repost @zoolander with @repostapp. ・・・ Guys. Over the course of my 3 hour relationship with Cara Delevingne i learned a lot about myself. I learned a relationship is like a beautiful bird. If there is love, it can take flight. But if the bird is caged, it begins to feel trapped, like as if it was in a cage. but then if someone is calling that bird “more washed up than a russians blue jeans” or “dumber than brie”, then the bird gets it’s feelings super hurt. But then if the bird tries to get one last french kiss goodbye, and the girl punches him right in the beak and then hits the bird with his selfie stick (which you can pay me for ANYTIME), then thats lame to do to the bird. THEN! THEN! She gets the bird in a half nelson and threatens to get a restraining odor, that’s super lame. Then she nearly broke the birds ARM! Which REALLY-REALLY HURT CARA!!!! Like you could have broken the birds WING! Anyway… I WILL triumph in all of this. Our relationship ended as it began. With all love, respect and now a deep mistrust for cara delvigne. Whoever that is. Call me when you get a modeling career. I could have HELPED YOU. You were too old for me anyways. Now I know everyone has my back, and the last thing I want is a flame war on my insta. I dont need the negativity. Like I said, it’s all love. But if you wanted to go hate on HER insta and leave comments on what a HUGE mistake she just made, and tell her I’m totally happy and never think about her all the time and am probably out boning liek a million models already here in Paris. Please feel free to do that. #Namaste. Switching my Raya location to #ROME tomorrow. See you soon @penelopecruzoficial ?.
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