Ariana Grande still has tears left to cry, but she’s not going to let that stop her.
“I have to be the luckiest girl in the world, and the unluckiest, for sure,” Grande told the magazine in the interview, published online on Tuesday, July 9. “I’m walking this fine line between healing myself and not letting the things that I’ve gone through be picked at before I’m ready, and also celebrating the beautiful things that have happened in my life and not feeling scared that they’ll be taken away from me because trauma tells me that they will be, you know what I mean?”
In May 2017, a terror attack at her concert in Manchester, England, killed 22 people and injured hundreds more.
“It’s not my trauma,” a visibly emotional Grande explained to the magazine about the tragedy. “It’s those families. It’s their losses, and so it’s hard to just let it all out without thinking about them reading this and reopening the memory for them.”
A year later, the “In My Head” singer’s ex-boyfriend Miller was found dead from an accidental overdose at age 26 in September 2018. According to the autopsy, the late rapper had fentanyl, cocaine and alcohol in his system at the time of his death.
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f–k. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had,” Grande told Vogue about Miller. “I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming … less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
Miller and Grande split after two years together in May 2018. A month later, Us Weekly broke the news that the “Thank U, Next” songstress was engaged to Davidson after only a few weeks of dating. By October, their engagement was off.
“I’ve been boo’d up my entire adult life. I’ve always had someone to say goodnight to,” Grande explained to Vogue. “So Thank U, Next was this moment of self-realization. It was this scary moment of ‘Wow, you have to face all this stuff now. No more distractions. You have to heal all this s–t.’”
Scroll through for six revelations from Grande’s Vogue interview: