Jinger Duggar’s Book ‘Becoming Free Indeed’: Biggest Revelations About Her ‘Cult-Like’ Upbringing, Marriage, Josh Duggar’s Scandal and More

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Duggar/Instagram

Jinger Duggar's Book 'Becoming Free Indeed': Biggest Revelations About Her 'Cult-Like' Upbringing, Marriage, Josh Duggar's Scandal and More

Telling her story. Jinger Duggar grew up in the spotlight, but there was still plenty TLC fans didn't know about her life — until now. The 19 Kids and Counting alum, 29, released her book Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear on Tuesday, January 31. Her memoir unpacks her ultra-conservative Christian upbringing, her life on reality TV and more while describing how she reframed her perspective on faith. "It's been definitely a challenging process to write this book, but as I've said before, it's the most important thing I've ever done," Duggar exclusively told Us Weekly before the book hit shelves, adding that she hoped her words help "even just one person" find freedom. "I think in this book I've been more open and vulnerable than I ever have before." The Arkansas native rose to fame on her family's TLC reality series, which debuted in 2008 and aired for seven seasons. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's large brood — and their controversial religious background — was the focus of the show until its cancellation in 2015. (19 Kids and Counting was axed after news broke that Josh Duggar molested multiple girls, some of whom were his sisters, when he was a teenager.) [jwplayer y4lm54xD-zhNYySv2] Over the years, the Duggar family has weathered many storms in the public eye. "I'm still surprised the show lasted as long as it did," Jinger confessed in her book. "In the early years, my family assumed the show would last no more than a season or two. It didn't seem possible that that many Americans would be interested in a family with our conservative values." Jinger and her siblings were raised under the teachings of Bill Gothard, a conservative minister who founded the Institute in Basic Life Principles. Among those principles are strict guidelines regarding purity and modesty — but Jinger began to question the teachings as she grew up and started a family of her own. (While speaking to Us this month, Jinger referred to her childhood spiritual practice as “cult-like in many ways.”) The Counting On alum married Jeremy Vuolo in November 2016 after a whirlwind courtship, and the pair share two daughters: Felicity, now 4, and Evangeline, now 2. According to Jinger, her relationship with the former soccer player, 35, contributed to her finding freedom — but their romance wasn't always easy. "My determination to guard my heart made it difficult for Jeremy to figure out whether I liked him. ... He, of course, assumed that I'd shared these things with my sisters. But I hadn't," she wrote. "I hadn't told Jessa or any of my other siblings how I felt about Jeremy." Jinger remembered feeling "a lot of pressure" from the outside world when she began her courtship with Vuolo. "Jeremy was the last guy to ask my father if he could court me," she wrote, admitting that she felt "a bit intimidated" by her now-husband at first. "He was unlike the previous guys in nearly every way." The couple faced several challenges together, including the 2021 cancellation of Counting On. TLC officially cut ties with Jinger's family after Josh was arrested for receiving and possessing child pornography. (He is currently serving 12.5 years in prison following his May 2022 sentencing.) "Alongside sadness that the show was ending, I felt grateful to have been a part of it. I had countless wonderful experiences thanks to the show. ... There are dozens of places and cultures I wouldn't know anything about if not for the show," Jinger wrote, confessing that she also felt "relief" to no longer be in front of the camera. "In many ways, the show's end was the last leg of a journey that 10-year old me could not have dreamed would occupy so much of my life." Becoming Free Indeed: My Story of Disentangling Faith from Fear is available now. Scroll down for the biggest revelations from Jinger's book about her childhood, marriage and more:

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Duggar/Instagram

Developing an Eating Disorder

“For years, I thought the best way to please others was to hide my imperfections,” Jinger wrote, adding that one of the “harmful behaviors” she picked up was restricting her food intake. “Convinced my body was an embarrassment, I ate very little. I’d go days hardly consuming any calories. My weight dropped, but my body image didn’t improve. It almost never does in those situations because the weight isn’t the problem.”

Despite the changes, Jinger still “wasn’t satisfied.” Her “obsession with body image” took a toll on her — both physically and spiritually. “It was a downward spiral that could have gotten worse and worse,” she wrote, pointing out that her eating disorder was “short-lived,” partially thanks to Michelle. “My mom had shared with me what she’s shared with the world: she had struggled with her eating, too, when she was my age. I felt no judgment from her, just love and care.”

Credit: Uncredited/AP/Shutterstock

Babysitting for Josh

Jinger described her childhood as “unique,” in large part because of her many siblings. “I was not only certain I’d be a mother but also confident about how I’d parent my kids. … By the time I was having these teenage conceptions, my older brother was already a father,” she wrote, referring to Josh without using his name. “Many of my sisters gladly volunteered to watch our nieces and nephews. They also offered to babysit for family friends. I joined them from time to time, but I wasn’t passionate about kids. I wasn’t the girl who begged to hold other people’s babies. I admire those who strongly desire to have a lot of children.”

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Vuolo/Instagram

Parents Initially Didn't Approve of Jeremy

The reality star wasn’t “set up” with her now-husband by her parents — and it “took more than five months” for their romance to really begin. “We didn't initially have my parents’ approval. They wanted to get to know Jeremy. His background and theology were different from ours, and that gave my parents pause,” Jinger recalled. “When they did approve and we began courting, we followed specific guidelines. We didn’t go on one-on-one dates. Our time together took place at one of our family’s homes, or we had a sibling tag along with us if we went shopping, to a restaurant, or went for a walk. We also didn’t hold hands until we were engaged or kiss until marriage. My parents encouraged us to follow these guidelines.”

As a teenager, Jinger was “committed” to the rules of courtship. “I saw attraction as being a distraction. I was so afraid of having a ‘dating spirit’ that there were times when I wouldn’t even talk to a young man I might’ve been attracted to,” she wrote, even confessing that she “wasn’t yet convinced [she] wanted to marry” Vuolo when they were given permission to court. “Marrying him was one of the best decisions I ever made.”

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Duggar/Instagram

Dressing Modestly

“Watch any episode of 19 Kids and Counting or Counting On and you’ll probably notice that I only wore skirts. Every skirt had to reach at least below the knee,” Jinger recalled. “I also wore blouses and shirts that covered the shoulders. That dress code was a big part of my life because Gothard said modesty was a serious responsibility for every Christian.”

In her 2021 book, The Hope We Hold, Jinger reflected on her decision to break from the modesty protocol, writing: “[I] never found a passage specifically forbidding women from wearing pants.”

Credit: Courtesy of Jeremy Vuolo/Instagram; Courtesy of Jessa Duggar/Instagram

Which Sister Is Jinger Closest to?

Jinger is one of nine Duggar daughters. “Though I get along with all my sisters, Jessa has a special place in my heart,” she wrote. “She is my closest sibling in age, only 13 months older than me. She is fifth and I am sixth of 19 Duggar kids. Growing up, Jessa and I were together all the time. Though all the Duggar girls shared the same room, I often felt like I was roommates with only Jessa. Our beds were next to each other for my entire childhood.”

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Duggar/Instagram

Struggling With Anxiety

Before moving to Los Angeles, Jinger and her husband lived in Texas, making her “the only Duggar kid not living in northwest Arkansas.” The distance from her big brood was an adjustment.

“Not long after we settled into our new life, I found myself feeling anxious in social settings, including church,” she wrote. “While I was genuinely excited to go to church on Sundays, I worried about the relational side of things. I had attended church nearly every Sunday since I was born, and I didn’t remember ever feeling this way. … I had visited all kinds of churches throughout my travels, and I had never felt anxious because I was with my family. They were my security blanket. In Laredo, my family was hundreds of miles away.”

Credit: Courtesy of Jinger Vuolo/Instagram

Feeling Like a 'Stepford Wife'

Jinger remembered that for the first year of her life in Texas with Vuolo, she “never expressed an opinion.” Her upbringing taught her that she “needed to perform” for her future spouse in order “to keep him faithful” — but Vuolo was different.

“He gently encouraged me to speak my mind and let him know if I didn’t agree with something — and to not apologize for that. He didn’t want me to perform or be fake. He wanted me to be myself. More than once he said, ‘Jing, you’re not a Stepford wife,’” she wrote. “The first time he said that, I asked, ‘What’s a Stepford wife?’ When he explained the concept, I realized … He wanted me to think for myself and figure out what my convictions were and what I liked and disliked.”

Credit: Beth Hall/AP/Shutterstock

When 'Counting On' Got Canceled

“We got the call on June 26, 2021 that TLC was canceling Counting On. When the call ended, I wrapped my arms around Jeremy and cried. Hard,” Jinger recalled. “So many emotions poured out of me that day. I felt sad. Filming had been a constant in my life since I was around 10 years old. When the show was on break, and the crews didn’t come around for a few months, I missed the energy and excitement of interacting with all the creative people. The producers worked with my family to come up with ideas for episodes. It was fun to think of creative ways to give audiences a glimpse into our day-to-day lives.”

The spinoff was pulled from TLC after Josh’s April 2021 arrest. Jinger noted that her family’s reality series “provided lifelong friends” for them, adding, “Alongside sadness that the show was ending, I felt grateful to have been a part of it. … But even though I enjoyed being part of the show, I was also glad it was ending. In fact, I felt immense relief on that day in June 2021.”

Credit: Uncredited/AP/Shutterstock

Josh's 'Devastating' Scandal

Jinger made several references to her older brother throughout the book, but mostly without mentioning his name. When she addressed his “sin” more directly, she didn’t hold back her feelings.

“In the case of my brother Josh, the fall has been even more devastating because he claimed to be a man of Christian conviction. The backlash against his actions has been, correctly, severe. Even if he wasn’t a public figure, he would still be in prison for his actions. But because millions know who Josh is, his sin gives Christ a bad name,” she wrote.

In another chapter, Jinger compared her sibling to Gothard. “He used his platform, and even his job at the Family Research Council, to promote some of the same ideas Gothard taught. But while he looked the part in so many ways, the true Josh appears to be much different. He was living a lie,” she claimed, revealing that she hasn’t “spoken to Josh in two years” but continues to “pray for him.”