Kristin Cavallari Reflects on ‘Toxic’ Jay Cutler Marriage, Ignoring ‘Red Flags’ Before Divorce: ‘Call Her Daddy’ Revelations

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Kristin Cavallari Reflects on 'Toxic' Jay Cutler Marriage, Ignoring 'Red Flags' Before Divorce: 'Call Her Daddy' Revelations

Healing from hindsight. Kristin Cavallari is opening up about her rocky relationship with Jay Cutler — both before and after their 2020 split — like never before. "It was toxic. Period, end of story," the Laguna Beach alum, 35, said of her marriage during the Wednesday, August 3, episode of the "Call Her Daddy" podcast. "That's all I kinda need to say." The Uncommon James founder and the ex-NFL player, 39, tied the knot in 2013 and called it quits seven years later. They share children Camden, 9, Jaxon, 8, and Saylor, 6, who remain Cavallari's biggest priority as she and Cutler navigate their new normal. When asked what prompted her to end her marriage, the Very Cavallari alum told host Alex Cooper, "I mean, it took me a few years to actually pull the trigger, to be honest ... It was more just time. Nothing major happened at the end." [jwplayer gFGA8bXO-zhNYySv2] The decision to get divorced was "really scary," but Cavallari thinks it was worth it in the long run. "I really don't think anything good comes easy. Really, like, with anything in life," she explained. "But you also don't want to just make an impulsive decision either and that's why it's important to write it out. I've also seen couples who've worked through s--t and come out on the other side, you know, so I think with any relationship, you just have to realize what are dealbreakers for you. What's important to you and what's not?" For the jewelry designer, it came down to feeling "really unhappy" in her relationship. "That was the bottom line. I was in an unhealthy relationship and so that, to me, is not worth it," Cavallari added. "Also, I didn't want my kids thinking that was normal and I wanted them to see me happy and see me, eventually — not right now, but eventually — see me with someone who really respects me and treats me the way I need to be treated." The Balancing in Heels author walked through the early days of her romance with Cutler, who was playing for the Chicago Bears when they met. "I got a call from my publicist in 2009 when I was still filming The Hills and he said, 'Jay Cutler wants to fly you to Chicago and take you on a date,'" she recalled. "And I had no idea who he was. I wasn't interested, quite honestly, so I said no. ... A year later, I was visiting my mom, who lives in the suburbs of Chicago, and we were going to a Bears preseason game with my cousin and my mom said, 'Didn't Jay Cutler ask you out?' And I was like, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that.'" Cavallari's cousin was a big fan of the NFL team, and the reality TV personality treated her family to a meet and greet with the players after the game. "[Jay] walked in and he was a lot cuter in person," she joked. "We hung out two nights later and, honestly, we just moved so fast. We got engaged after eight months. ... We just had that spark. For where I was at in my life, he was perfect for me." Ahead of their split, the pair were candid about their ups and downs, but Cavallari has tried to remain positive in the wake of her breakup. "The scariest thing that I've ever done is get a divorce," she said during a July interview on "The School of Greatness" podcast. "But it's been the best thing that I've ever done and that has really jumpstarted my journey on self-love and figuring out who I am now. ... It's gotten me to a really peaceful place. I feel the best I've ever felt in my whole life. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm no longer afraid of getting hurt." Scroll down for more relationship revelations from Cavallari on "Call Her Daddy": [podcast_block]

Credit: UncommonJames/DennisLeupold/MEGA; Nam Y Huh/AP/Shutterstock

Kristin Cavallari Reflects on 'Toxic' Jay Cutler Marriage, Ignoring 'Red Flags' Before Divorce: 'Call Her Daddy' Revelations

Healing from hindsight. Kristin Cavallari is opening up about her rocky relationship with Jay Cutler — both before and after their 2020 split — like never before. "It was toxic. Period, end of story," the Laguna Beach alum, 35, said of her marriage during the Wednesday, August 3, episode of the "Call Her Daddy" podcast. "That's all I kinda need to say." The Uncommon James founder and the ex-NFL player, 39, tied the knot in 2013 and called it quits seven years later. They share children Camden, 9, Jaxon, 8, and Saylor, 6, who remain Cavallari's biggest priority as she and Cutler navigate their new normal. When asked what prompted her to end her marriage, the Very Cavallari alum told host Alex Cooper, "I mean, it took me a few years to actually pull the trigger, to be honest ... It was more just time. Nothing major happened at the end." [jwplayer gFGA8bXO-zhNYySv2] The decision to get divorced was "really scary," but Cavallari thinks it was worth it in the long run. "I really don't think anything good comes easy. Really, like, with anything in life," she explained. "But you also don't want to just make an impulsive decision either and that's why it's important to write it out. I've also seen couples who've worked through s--t and come out on the other side, you know, so I think with any relationship, you just have to realize what are dealbreakers for you. What's important to you and what's not?" For the jewelry designer, it came down to feeling "really unhappy" in her relationship. "That was the bottom line. I was in an unhealthy relationship and so that, to me, is not worth it," Cavallari added. "Also, I didn't want my kids thinking that was normal and I wanted them to see me happy and see me, eventually — not right now, but eventually — see me with someone who really respects me and treats me the way I need to be treated." The Balancing in Heels author walked through the early days of her romance with Cutler, who was playing for the Chicago Bears when they met. "I got a call from my publicist in 2009 when I was still filming The Hills and he said, 'Jay Cutler wants to fly you to Chicago and take you on a date,'" she recalled. "And I had no idea who he was. I wasn't interested, quite honestly, so I said no. ... A year later, I was visiting my mom, who lives in the suburbs of Chicago, and we were going to a Bears preseason game with my cousin and my mom said, 'Didn't Jay Cutler ask you out?' And I was like, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about that.'" Cavallari's cousin was a big fan of the NFL team, and the reality TV personality treated her family to a meet and greet with the players after the game. "[Jay] walked in and he was a lot cuter in person," she joked. "We hung out two nights later and, honestly, we just moved so fast. We got engaged after eight months. ... We just had that spark. For where I was at in my life, he was perfect for me." Ahead of their split, the pair were candid about their ups and downs, but Cavallari has tried to remain positive in the wake of her breakup. "The scariest thing that I've ever done is get a divorce," she said during a July interview on "The School of Greatness" podcast. "But it's been the best thing that I've ever done and that has really jumpstarted my journey on self-love and figuring out who I am now. ... It's gotten me to a really peaceful place. I feel the best I've ever felt in my whole life. I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm no longer afraid of getting hurt." Scroll down for more relationship revelations from Cavallari on "Call Her Daddy": [podcast_block]

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Keeping Kids Off Social

"A lot of people don't understand it, but if you go back to when I first joined Instagram, Camden — my oldest — is on there," Cavallari told Cooper. "We just decided that we wanted to give them the opportunity to make that decision. You know, my kids may want no part of being known or whatever, and I want to respect that and give them that chance to decide when they're old enough."

The mother of three teased that she hoped her kids don't get on social media until much later in life. "I want to do everything to protect them," she said.

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Calling Off Engagement to Jay

The twosome briefly split before walking down the aisle in 2013, which Cavallari now sees as a clear warning sign of where their relationship would end up. "I called off the engagement [for] the same reason I got a divorce — same reasons, I should say," she revealed. "I guess if there's any takeaway from that, it's that you can't ignore red flags, people don't change, and you gotta trust your gut."

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Marriage Was 'Natural Next Step'

Despite pumping the breaks on their wedding, Cavallari was eager to take the "natural next step" with Cutler and get married. Because of their children, the cookbook author is "very careful" about what she says about her ex in public. "If you and I didn't have microphones in front of us, I'd f--king tell you, but that's their dad and my oldest googles us now and I just want to be very careful," she said.

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Ending the 'Toxic' Marriage

"It was toxic. Period, end of story," the lifestyle brand owner admitted. "That's all I kinda need to say."

Cavallari added that "nothing major happened at the end" to make her finally pull the plug on her marriage.

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Hoping Jay Remarries

"I hope that he finds someone, I really do," Cavallari said of her ex. "I want him happy. My kids benefit from that, you know. So I hope that he gets remarried."

Despite her positive outlook, the reality star confessed that "it stung a little" to see Cutler dating post-split. "That's anybody, you know," she said. "I'm friends with almost all of my exes and I think that that's a good thing. I really value the time I've had with everybody, I've learned from every relationship that I've had and I really want all of my exes to be happy and be in a great relationship."

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Taking Mom's Advice

When deciding to split from Cutler, the True Roots cookbook author turned to her mother — who had been through her own divorce in the past — for advice. "I remember always asking my mom, 'But how am I going to know?' and she would just be like, 'You'll just know.' And I did, I just kinda knew," Cavallari recalled. "It's the scariest thing, it's also the saddest thing. I mean, it's so many emotions. But it can also be the best thing."

The MTV personality went on to encourage women who may have rocky histories with their fathers to "work through that s--t" before getting married. "Otherwise we end up with our dad," she joked.

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What She Wants in a Partner

Cavallari wants to set an example for her children with her next relationship, whenever that may be. "[I want them to] see me with someone who really respects me and treats me the way I need to be treated," she explained.

Elsewhere in the podcast, Cavallari teased that she would stay away from musicians — "f--king insane" — but wouldn't be opposed to dating another athlete someday. "I don't think my [early] relationship being on camera affected my future relationships, I think being in the press then affected my future relationships," she continued. "Unfortunately, I've had to be careful with guys that I date because a lot of guys — or what I have found is a few different things. They get a little taste of fame and they lose their mind. They become addicted to it almost. Or it's really threatening for a lot of guys, they get really jealous or insecure about it."

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Dating Horror Stories

"Once I'm done with someone, I'm done," she said when asked whether she would ever go back to an old flame before walking through her most recent date. "I hate actors, you know, I've always known that. ... But an actor asked me out," she recalled. "He was slamming drinks and then at one point he tells me that he does his own stunts. We were sitting at the bar, it's f--king packed. He gets up to reenact a stunt that he had done, accidentally runs into the waiter ... and I was like, 'Please sit the f--k down.'"