“It’s a weird place to be, where you had this big family and it’s a big thing,” Kody, 54, noted in a confessional on Sunday, September 10. “And now, we’ve got this small thing going on that’s not unimportant and it is beautiful but it’s not big like this other one. Can I adjust?”
He continued: “I don’t want to sit and identify as a monogamist [but] if you are what you do, then what are you when you don’t? Can I be a monogamist? Can I manage this? I mean, this is smaller.”
Kody was remarking on his division with Janelle Brown after the now-exes had a blowout fight that aired one week prior. While driving with his pal Nathan, Kody admitted that he was surprised by the dramatic turn his relationships took.
“Stupid things go through my mind, like, ‘I wish I wouldn’t have done that, I wish we wouldn’t have ever gotten married, I wish I could go back in time.’ … I just never foresaw this happening to me,” he told his friend. “And I never foresaw my reaction to this happening to me.”
Janelle, 54, was Kody’s second wife following his marriage to Meri Brown in 1990. He went on to spiritually exchange vows with Christine Brown and spark a romance with Robyn, 44, eventually opting to divorce Meri, 52, and legally tie the knot with Robyn instead.
Kody and Meri continued their spiritual union after his 2014 wedding to Robyn, but their struggles were frequently documented on Sister Wives over the years. In January, Kody and Meri confirmed their split.
News of the breakup came shortly after Janelle revealed to TLC viewers in December 2022 that she and Kody had been separated for some time. Christine, 51, was the first of Kody’s wives to leave the family in 2021.
As he reflected on the state of his fractured family, Kody told the camera on Sunday that he “was so optimistic about living plural marriage” when his journey began. “Everybody seemed happy. And they’re not now, nobody’s happy now,” he said. “It’s heartbreaking. It was a dream and now it’s gone. It’s such a mess right now.”
Along with feeling sad about his relationships ending, Kody admitted he was also becoming angry. “I want to grow horns right now so bad. I want to say mean things, I want to be a jackass. … I worked so hard to do what was right,” he continued. “And when you lose that and you feel like you’ve failed even to God, you get in this place where it’s like, ‘Well, I should just be the devil I think I am now.'”
Kody’s mood continued to shift as he added, “I hate my life right now.”
Robyn, meanwhile, opened up about how Kody’s breakups with his other wives have affected her own relationship. “We’ve never had as many problems as we’re having right now in our marriage,” she confessed. “He’s suspicious of anybody being disloyal to him, he’s directing that at me. … I don’t really recognize him right now and I’ve never seen him like this before.”
Robyn said she remains “invested in” their family. “So for him to question it … feels a little bit like a dealbreaker of our marriage,” she added. “This is not what our marriage agreement is. It would absolutely devastate me if he decided to leave me. … I know he would regret it, leaving everything behind.”
Sister Wives airs on TLC Sundays at 10 p.m. ET.