“11 weeks of no sleep and to be honest, I don’t want to mom today,” the former reality star, 34, captioned a tearful Friday, February 5, Instagram selfie. “Yet, here I am right now typing this and having a kid’s electric toothbrush thrown in my face (literally), turning it on and off for the 1,000,000th time because it makes [my son] Brooks happy — and only ‘Mama’ can turn it on and off. I’ve become more resilient this time around to letting the little expectations go, but the sleep deprivation during the newborn stage is brutal and I’ve hit my wall.”
The Bachelor alum went on to write that she was battling “intrusive thoughts and negative self talk,” adding, “[They’re] wearing me down this week. I’m exhausted from trying all avenues to figure out breast-feeding issues. And I’ve been experiencing vertigo to where I feel I can’t function enough to be a good mom. I know I will survive this as I have before, but I feel so far down the rabbit hole today.”
The Colorado native, who shares Emerson, 3, Brooks, 18 months, and Reed, 2 months, with Tanner Tolbert, concluded, “I love my kids and I know they love me, but some days the love feels so big and overwhelming that I’m not enough to withhold it and these emotions spill out.”
“I honestly can’t imagine what it’s like to have three kids so close in age. Sending you love and strength. Take care of yourself. And ask for help,” the season 6 Bachelorette, 36, commented, while the season 9 star, 34, wrote, “Allowing ourselves as mommas to feel all the things is so healthy and I’m so glad you share all the moments of motherhood honestly because it’s sooo true and OK to feel. You’re such a great momma! I’ll be praying for strength and restoration over you today!”
Roper previously spoke about her experience with postpartum depression. “I was fighting a dark depression for the first six months after Brooks was born and no one would have known it,” the former ABC personality wrote via Instagram last month. “And fact is, I’m not that perceived person they spoke of anymore. … I’m fumbling through, learning as I go and leaning in as I get to know my baby and the new versions of my children and husband as they evolve and adapt and grow as well.”Listen to Here For the Right Reasons to get inside scoop about the Bachelor franchise and exclusive interviews from contestants
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