Sharing her story. For the first time, Cara Delevingne is opening up about getting sober and how she realized that she needed help.
In an interview for Vogue’s April cover story, the Paper Towns star, 30, addressed the September 2022 photos of her at the airport that left fans concerned for her well-being.
“I hadn’t slept. I was not OK,” Delevingne said of the images, which were taken when the model had just returned from Burning Man. “It’s heartbreaking because I thought I was having fun, but at some point it was like, ‘OK, I don’t look well.’ You know, sometimes you need a reality check, so in a way, those pictures were something to be grateful for.”
Despite knowing there was a problem, the England native struggled at first with showing vulnerability to her loved ones.
“I love my friends so much, but it felt like a lot of the time, they were shallow relationships only because I wasn’t able to be honest about the things I was going through. I didn’t want to burden anyone. It was also, like, ‘What if people leave?’ If you ask any of my friends, they would say they’d never seen me cry,” Delevingne explained.
She continued: “From September, I just needed support. I needed to start reaching out. And my old friends I’ve known since I was 13, they all came over and we started crying. They looked at me and said, ‘You deserve a chance to have joy.’ ”
Reflecting on the events that led up to her breaking point, the Only Murders in the Building actress recalled going through a period of isolation and then deciding to go to the opposite extreme.
“The house I was staying in had a tower and I would just kind of lock myself in it instead. I barely left the room. There was this need for change, but I was fighting it so much. I was welcoming in this new time but I was also grieving. It was like a funeral for my previous life, a goodbye to an era. And so, I decided I was going to party as hard as I could because this was the end,” she recalled.
Delevingne added that using drugs allowed her to feel “invincible,” which caused her to put herself in harm’s way.
“I put myself in danger in those moments because I don’t care about my life. I would climb anything and jump off stuff … it felt feral. It’s a scary thing to the people around you who love you,” she said.
Fearing that she would “either end up dead” or do “something really, really stupid” if she continued down the path she was on, the Carnival Row alum entered rehab and went through a 12-step program.
“Before I was always into the quick fix of healing, going to a weeklong retreat or to a course for trauma, and that helped for a minute, but it didn’t ever really get to the nitty-gritty, the deeper stuff,” Delevingne shared. “This time I realized that 12-step treatment was the best thing, and it was about not being ashamed of that.”
Although the Anna Karenina actress is now “enjoying” her new sober lifestyle, she emphasized that recovery isn’t just a box to check off.
“You don’t recover, and that’s OK. That’s why I prefer ‘healing,’ cause I’m constantly doing that,” she explained.
If you or anyone you know is facing substance abuse issues, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for free and confidential information 24/7.