Selena Gomez on Accepting Her Kidney Transplant Scar: ‘It Was Really Hard in the Beginning’

Selena Gomez attends the 2017 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, California.
Selena Gomez attends the 2017 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, California. Chris Polk/Getty Images

Selena Gomez was named Billboard’s Woman of the Year for 2017, and the singer held nothing back during her interview with the music publication. The “Wolves” songstress, 25, opened up about her health and gave an update on how she’s doing after her kidney transplant.

Selena Gomez Billboard Magazine cover
Selena Gomez on the cover of Billboard Magazine.

In September, Gomez revealed that she had to undergo the surgery over the summer due to complications with lupus, which she was diagnosed with more than five years ago. The procedure left a scar on her torso, and Gomez said it took some getting used to at first. “It was really hard in the beginning. I remember looking at myself in the mirror completely naked and thinking about all the things that I used to bitch about and just asking, ‘Why?’” Gomez revealed in the interview published on Thursday, November 30. “I had someone in my life for a very long time who pointed out all the things that I didn’t feel great about with myself.”

I’m very aware some of my fans had noticed I was laying low for part of the summer and questioning why I wasn’t promoting my new music, which I was extremely proud of. So I found out I needed to get a kidney transplant due to my Lupus and was recovering. It was what I needed to do for my overall health. I honestly look forward to sharing with you, soon my journey through these past several months as I have always wanted to do with you. Until then I want to publicly thank my family and incredible team of doctors for everything they have done for me prior to and post-surgery. And finally, there aren’t words to describe how I can possibly thank my beautiful friend Francia Raisa. She gave me the ultimate gift and sacrifice by donating her kidney to me. I am incredibly blessed. I love you so much sis. Lupus continues to be very misunderstood but progress is being made. For more information regarding Lupus please go to the Lupus Research Alliance website: -by grace through faith

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“When I look at my body now, I just see life. There are a million things I can do — lasers and creams and all that stuff – but I’m OK with it. And by the way, there’s nothing wrong with [plastic surgery],” she continued. “I just think for me, it could be my eyes, my round face, my ears, my legs, my scar. I don’t have perfect abs, but I feel like I’m wonderfully made.”

The Disney Channel alum said the surgery also helped her take more ownership of herself. “I just kept thinking about how much my body is my own. Ever since I was 7, my life always felt like I was giving it to someone else. I felt really alone even though I had a lot of great people around me. But the decisions I was making, were they ever for me?” she said. “[After the surgery] I had this sense of gratitude for myself. I don’t think I’ve ever just stopped and been like, ‘I’m actually grateful for who I am.’”

After revealing that she had the surgery to her fans following a brief hiatus, Gomez also began making major changes externally, including the removal of excess in her life. As previously reported, the actress ended her 10-month relationship with The Weeknd and reunited with her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber shortly after. “I’m really proud of where I am right now. I handle things in a healthy way. I can enjoy where I’m at. I love being able to say ‘no,’” she told the publication. “[But] I’m proudest of not becoming jaded. I have every reason to be like, ‘F–k all of you.’ And I don’t. I’m going to have the bad days where I don’t want to leave my bedroom — but I’m ready for them.”

Gomez added: “I don’t know how to explain the place that I’m in other than to say I just feel full.”

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