Sophia Bush knew her marriage to Grant Hughes wasn’t right before walking down the aisle.
“In April of 2022 I was close to calling off my wedding. Instead of running away, I doubled down on being a model wife,” Bush, 41, wrote for Glamour magazine in a cover story published on Thursday, April 25. “In 2023 my now ex-husband posted a lovely tribute to our first anniversary on Instagram. When I saw it, I felt the blood drain from my face.”
While the comments section was full of congratulatory messages Bush said she “felt nothing” when seeing the post.
“Things hadn’t been easy at home, but everyone says marriage is hard, right? As the day wore on, I felt mounting pressure from strangers online waiting for me to post something — what a strange part of public life to have to navigate — so I sat myself down and chose a picture,” she continued. “I hit post. And then I walked into the bathroom and threw up.”
Bush broke down the “bittersweet irony” with her choice of photo.
“It was a black-and-white photograph of us running away from the camera,” she wrote. “I wrote a really nice story about the people in that picture. Except it was just that: a story. I typed something about how incredibly happy I was and tried to drown out the familiar voice in my head. Make it look easy. Make it look perfect. If your smile is shiny enough, maybe no one will notice that up close all of your teeth are broken. But sometimes broken is just broken.”
Bush was first linked to Hughes, 42, in May 2020, and they were engaged by August 2021. They tied the knot in June 2022, and shortly after their one-year anniversary, the actress filed for divorce in August 2023. (Bush has since come out as queer and went public with Ashlyn Harris.)
Initially, Bush convinced herself she was having “cold feet” before getting married.
“Maybe I was too sensitive. Maybe this was the feeling you get when you settle down later in life and have to make space for another person,” she continued. “There have been moments in my life when it feels like the universe is screaming at me to pay attention. This was one of them, but I didn’t listen.”
Instead of calling things off, Bush repeated “relationships are hard” and “marriage takes compromise” before deciding to walk down the aisle.
“We threw one of the greatest wedding weekends ever. We had an amazing time with our closest friends and family. It was truly one of the best parties I’ve ever been to, and we raised a ton of money for charity. I don’t regret any of that,” she wrote. “But after the wedding I found myself in the depths and heartbreak of the fertility process, which was the most clarifying experience of my life.”
Bush recalled going through months of medical procedures alongside her husband who “didn’t necessarily speak the same emotional language I did.” She said there were various examination tables she laid on “alone” during the tenure of her marriage.
“Six months into that journey, I think I knew deep down that I absolutely had made a mistake. It would take my head and heart a while longer to understand what my bones already knew,” Bush said, noting that she jumped at the opportunity to star in the play 2:22 A Ghost Story in London’s West End from May to July 2023. The play slowly began to put me back together. It was grueling, and it was also the most exhilarating experience. I loved every second of it.”
Eventually, an illness took out “half” of the cast. After Bush spent “multiple nights in the hospital, she decided to return home.
“It was clear that my body was screaming, and I had to listen. It was hard for me to accept. I was part of a team,” she wrote. “But I needed to go home, where my doctors (and, truthfully, my health insurance) could get a better handle on my symptoms. My time in London was over. So was my marriage. It all came crashing down at once.”
