“It’s something I mean sincerely,” McCurdy told BuzzFeed News this month about the controversial title. “I’m genuinely glad. If she were alive, I’d still be trapped. Every important decision in my life wouldn’t have been possible.”
Ahead of the book’s debut, the Nickelodeon alum recalled wanting to leave the entertainment industry following her mother’s death. “I think seeing yourself is particularly difficult with growing up in the public eye, because you’re so public-facing and seen as one thing,” she continued. “That makes the reality of you so much more unseen and invalidated and unacknowledged. But now, because I see myself, I can accept being seen by others.”
“For me, it’s not that iCarly’s ending. It’s not that today is our last day ever taping iCarly. That I’m fine with, even excited about, definitely ready for,” she wrote in her book. “Even though I’m wary of starting my spinoff, I’m glad to at least be saying goodbye to this project that makes me feel like I’m living every day in the Groundhog Day movie, doing the same thing over and over again.”
“Every time something exciting happens to her, I feel like she robbed me of having that experience myself. And every time someone calls me a good sport, all I feel is how much I don’t want to be one,” she detailed in her book.
I’m Glad My Mom Died is available now. Scroll through for the biggest revelations:
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Jennette McCurdy's Book 'I’m Glad My Mom Died' Addresses Issues With Ariana Grande at Nickelodeon, Eating Disorder and More
"The truth is that I wish I had anorexia, not bulimia. I'm pining for anorexia. I've grown humiliated by bulimia, which I used to think of as the best of both worlds — eat what you want, throw it all up, stay thin," she detailed. "But now it doesn't feel like the best of both worlds. It feels terrible. I'm filled with so much shame and anxiety every time after I eat."
According to the "Empty Inside" podcast host, she didn't get her period for years because of her low weight.
"My body is stiff. Unflinching. My body is rejecting my mind. My mind is saying who cares that this is your first kiss, that your first kiss is on-camera. Get it over with. Do what you're told," McCurdy, who had her first onscreen kiss with her costar Nathan Kress, wrote. "My body is saying no, I don't want this. I don't want my first kiss to be like this. I want my first kiss to be a real first kiss, not a kiss for a TV show."
Although McCurdy initially wanted to save sex for marriage, she later recalled reluctantly losing her virginity to a guy named Liam.
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Her Friendship With Miranda Cosgrove
After working together on iCarly, McCurdy formed a close bond with her costar Miranda Cosgrove.
"The reason I'm crying is that I don't know what will become of my friendship with Miranda. We've gotten so close. Like sisters, but without the passive-aggression and weird tensions," she shared in her book about her last days on set. "I have my judgments around female friendship being catty and petty and backstabby, but that couldn't be further from the truth with Miranda. With Miranda, it's always been so easy. Our friendship is pure."
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"Ariana misses work in pursuit of her music career while I act with a box. I'm pissed about it. I'm pissed at her. Jealous of her. For a few reasons," she wrote. "So now, every time she misses work it feels like a personal attack. ... From that moment one I didn't like her. I couldn't like her."
McCurdy seemingly mentioned Dan Schneider when referring to a producer as "The Creator" in her memoir. She claimed her former boss got in trouble with Nickelodeon for "accusations of his emotional abuse," which she wasn't shocked by.
(During her interview with BuzzFeed News, McCurdy said she chose the moniker because it made her laugh.)
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Candid Depiction of Her Time at Nickelodeon
In I'm Glad My Mom Died, McCurdy alleged that after Sam & Cat was canceled, she rejected a $300,000 offer to not publicly discuss her time at Nickelodeon. The offer supposedly included keeping quiet about her "personal experience" with abuse on set.
Nickelodeon did not respond to Us Weekly's request for comment.