The former Bachelorette, 34, revealed on the Wednesday, May 6, episode of her new YouTube series, 9 to Wine, that a few years ago she gave up her job as a dancer for the Canadian Football League to move to Germany with her boyfriend at the time. The pair eventually broke up and Bristowe was forced to move in with her mom and stepdad at the age of 27.
“When I say I lost myself, that is an understatement,” the Canada native recalled. “I think I had out-of-body experiences in Germany. Where I was a child and I was screaming and kicking on the floor, bawling my eyes out. It was like I was looking down on myself, going, ‘Why are you behaving this way? This is not who you are, get up off the floor.’ And I couldn’t.”
She added, “I had nothing and that life was over for me, that I’d given up all my hopes and dreams, and that the love of my life was now gone.”
Bristowe sought professional help and was prescribed the antidepressant Valium. The “Off the Vine With Kaitlyn Bristowe” podcast host admitted that she wasn’t familiar with the effects of the medication and discovered that it made her feel “numb.”
“I didn’t feel anything. I got to sleep, I got to not feel my feelings, and that felt great to me,” she said. “I had become addicted to Valium, and I was about 93 pounds. And that was when somebody had to shake me and say, ‘You can’t live like this. This is not you.'”
Bristowe decided that she was “sick of being numb” and moved to Vancouver, Canada, where she got a job in the restaurant industry. Shortly after, she was cast on season 19 of The Bachelor to compete for the affections of Chris Soules.
“I always think if I could go back to my 27-year-old self and talk to her, I would say, ‘You can’t let anyone be responsible for your own happiness. That is up to you,'” Bristowe said. “And now I can say that because I’m in a loving, fulfilling, happy relationship. But 27-year-old Kaitlyn was just starting to learn that and figure that out.”
Bristowe went on to become the Bachelorette in 2015 where she met and became engaged to Shawn Booth. The duo dated for three years before their split in 2018. Bristowe has since moved on with Bachelorette alum Jason Tartick, whom she began dating in January 2019.Listen on Spotify to Here For the Right Reasons to get inside scoop about the Bachelor franchise and exclusive interviews from contestants.
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